


There's a special place for those like you

by Myrsky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avenger Bucky Barnes, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapped Steve Rogers, Misunderstandings, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, Tony Stark Has Issues, Winteriron Bang, everyone is pretty dense, none really speaks up about their feelings so...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-17 21:25:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4682009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myrsky/pseuds/Myrsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months after arriving to the Avengers' Tower with Steve, Bucky is finally confronted with their host: Natasha Stark. It opens the door to meeting the rest of the Avengers and finding a life for himself... <i>What's the worst that could happen?</i></p><p>Written for the Winteriron Bang 2015</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Natasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: Hi.  
> I rarely write anything at the beginning of the works, but I think that the situation requires it: It's the first time that I post something so big as a single piece, so I'd kindly ask you to contact me if something seems wrong at any chapter.  
> Also, I'd like to dedicate this to [Majinie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Majinie/pseuds/Majinie/%22) for supporting me so much in the writing process of this.
> 
> EDITS: I have to give a big (huge!) thank you to [silver_drip](http://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip), for spontaneously correcting my mistakes and helping me to edit it. You're the best <3

Bucky can see – and feel it almost like it was a caress on his body – how her gaze trails up from the back of his feet, clad in military boots, clearly stopping the exploration when it her gaze reaches his ass. Now he feels that perhaps his black jeans are too tight and hug too closely to his ass. He can feel her eyes piercing through his clothes, evaluating and assessing him.

Yet, under the pretence of checking him out, she is examining him, so subtly that Steve isn't noticing anything. Just like Bucky is checking her movements and deciding if she poses a threat or not.

It is the first time that he is going to meet any of Steve's teammates after having tiptoed his way around the tower for about six months. He knows a great deal about all of them: be it through Hydra or through Steve himself, and as much as meeting Natasha is making him feel antsy, he has no excuses to keep avoiding her: his arm is jammed and no one else can help him with it. He knows as much. Natasha is the greatest genius of their time… Actually, she is the greatest of all time, if half of what he heard about her abilities is true.

When he had crossed through the doorway, he had simply wondered what he should call her, because although Steve called her Stark more often than not, he couldn't bring himself to use _that_ name, not even mentally. It was like a reminder of another age. Of another Stark… one who was less than pleasant towards him.

However, as much as he knows about her, it doesn't make him any less surprised when she opens her mouth. Her words are as unashamed and clever as her gaze is.

“Good God, is all that yours?” she says, chuckling out a laugh filled with mirth, like a child who just found a gift under the Christmas tree, before she moves to step in front of him. She takes the long way around: walking behind Bucky's back first, her gaze still fixed on his ass, instead of simply taking a step to her left to stand in front of him. “Because, you know, I'd actually _pray_ to have something like that in my life. I'm all for worshipping you and I haven't even seen your face yet.” She pauses dramatically, holding her breath loudly, before quickly whispering, “Please, be handsome, I can't live without that ass.”

Her mannerisms are so terribly dramatic that he wants to laugh; he can actually feel the urge to do it inside his bones and that’s something he hasn’t  felt in such a long time that he had almost forgotten the sensation.

“Stark!” Steve almost cries out, sounding tired but not seeming surprised by her show, he simply sits down with familiarity on the small, battered, red couch with a heavy sigh.

She huffs, like she's annoyed at Steve's interruption and stands in front of Bucky, _at last_ , looking from his hips up, as slowly as a lover, just like she was tracing and learning every muscle and curve of his body, always keeping a very flirty and teasing smirk on her lips. She is way smaller than anyone would think she is, because her confidence, _her charisma_ , is somehow making her look like a giant amongst dwarves.

Bucky really has to focus on her presence to discover that he's a good five inches taller than her, because all that he can see is that her eyes are a combination of chocolate brown and some sparks of golden, so bright, so huge and doe like that they are her most prominent feature, the one that makes him blush so lightly. Her skin tone is a sweet light olive (that or she has a nice tan) and her hair is short and spiky, giving her the aura of being one of those fairies in children books.

Since he's a head taller than her, her head is quite tilted to look into his eyes – her gaze is still evaluating him but it's steady, she doesn't fear him. _She_ is good. He has never felt such a low level of threat around anyone in a while, and he knows that she's really more dangerous than she's posing to be. She is being so light as _a gift_ to him, even if she didn't have to do anything for him.

“Pretty good, handsome.” She says making an approval noise and winking at him, before making a more serious and determined expression in such a quick change of demeanour that halts the complaint that Steve was starting to word, before he even managed to voice it. “Maintenance is on the way, buddy, sit down and show me that arm of yours.”

Bucky sits down, not saying anything yet, biting his lower lip so lightly – in a gesture that could be read both as worry or amusement. He doesn't know which one he is feeling, now that it gets down to business.

Steve had promised him that despite of all of Natasha's quirks, she was the only one, other than the Hydra’s scientists, who could help him with his arm, and he is completely willing to give that a shot, so he does as instructed and sits down in the chair that she’s motioning him to.

He doesn’t know yet whether Natasha can make it work, as Steve promised, but it’s easy for him to see why Steve is so hung up on her. Steve will never stop talking about his teammates, yes, but whoever he is talking about, the conversation will end up getting centred on Natasha. On their fifteen minutes journey to the laboratories of the tower from their floor – because he kept stopping and trying to come back –, Steve has mentioned Natasha a hundred times, not exaggerating it even a bit, and now his eyes don’t leave her. Steve believes that she'd be able of doing anything at all, but the truth that Bucky feels now is that Stevie is completely in love with this girl.

She wouldn’t be right for Steve, though, because with all Bucky has heard about her, he already knows more than enough to see why a relationship between Steve and Natasha would fail in a thousand ways. _Very_ painful ways that would break Steve's heart for good.

Though now he has to stop thinking because she has picked a tool belt from a table, hung it on her hips and moved to his left side, without saying anything else and she has started picking the arm apart and fixing it softly, carefully and somewhat quickly.

He can feel how the pieces which were moved or broken before are back in shape, and now he can't help but notice how competent she is at her job. She has focused completely on the arm, shutting the world out and talking only to give orders to her robots.

Even being the most competent person that he has ever met, there are indeed quirks that could endear her to anyone – or make them hate her, if that’s what they wish –, very small things, it's just the way that she usually leaves the screwdrivers hanging on the corner of her mouth and they fall down later when she smirks or laughs softly to herself whenever she fixes or understands something different on his arm; but it's also every choice that she makes, and how she doesn’t seem to miss any opportunity to pat, touch and grab his arm in a comforting way between gear and gear.

It's nothing like her flirting smirk from before and nothing at all as how she seems to tear people apart with her most charming smiles, now she seems to be overjoyed about the opportunity to work on his bionic arm, to learn new things – because every time something makes sense, she will beam a smile for herself.

And it's amazing. Fascinating. Beautiful.

He has been looking at her for the past hour, not breaking his gaze from her face, drinking the sight of her in. She has... no, it's not that she has charm, because even though she is the most charismatic person in the universe – hands down at that –, it’s something completely different. He can’t even begin to describe it.

Whatever he had been expecting when he entered the workshop, it has completely gone out of the window and he hasn’t even said a word yet. It’s her eyes what makes him feel like they are having a silent conversation – even though she doesn’t know that it's taking place, because she is so focused on his arm –, she doesn't know that the changes in her eyes make her so open about her feelings and… he still feels that he can’t trust that sentiment somehow, because inside that wonderfully open person there is a rock hiding something else.

Can someone really lie to themselves? Because it would seem that she'd master that particular skill.

“So, how long is that going to take?” Steve asks, slightly nervous, breaking the silence and making Natasha scowl at him, her hands stopping their hovering over Bucky's arm for half a second.

Natasha snaps her head toward Steve at the question, barking a laugh and looking at him in a total and absolutely cold way, like Steve had just insulted her.

And then, she speaks, and it breaks his impression of a fragile and open person once more. “I have no fuckin' idea, Rogers. This,” she gestures at the arm, shaking her hands to empower her words, her voice slightly flat and professional, if he compares it with the rich tones she had used when she was flirting with him before, although there is a reverential undertone to her words now “needs as much time as I get, because I need to understand it down to perfection. So, until perfection or until your pal gets bored. Whatever comes first.”

“Go get a coffee or some rest then, Stevie.” He waves his right hand at Steve, dismissing him. He knows that he'll be fine with Natasha, even though he doesn't understand her.

She has been ignoring him completely after the first five minutes, she is simply doing her job and he doesn't feel attacked at all – he is, in fact, fascinated. And she's not like HYDRA. He's not hurting at all, her fingers are quick and clever, same as her mouth was when she spoke first.

Steve hums, looking slightly at loss between them. “Okay. Come to see me when you are done.”

“Will do. Now go and catch some rest, you deserve it.” Bucky says softly, trying to beat down his need to go and hug Steve, to tell him that everything would be alright as he did when they were younger because he can see how worried Steve is about leaving him alone here. “See you later, Stevie.” He winks at Steve, reassuring him enough to smile brightly before leaving the workshop.

Natasha frowns so very slightly, tilting her head up to check on Bucky's face. But the expression is gone in a second and she's focusing again on his arm, her fingers sliding on the surface to open the vents and fix things underneath.

That small interaction with Steve also confirmed his first thought – she does not have the slightest idea on how to keep conversations civil or she likes to flare up people. It's probably the latter, because the woman is a genius. And a playgirl who likes to flirt with anyone, so she does know how to make the conversations go her way. And she is also the owner and head researcher of a multibillion dollar company.

She kind of puzzles him, though. Usually, a couple of hours in a room with someone is more than enough for him to assess all of their character, but there is something about Natasha... every time that he thinks he figured out something, her face changes, just a tiny bit, but enough to let him see how wrong he was.

She is silent again, she is silent and bright, and brilliant. She is also all kinds of wrong. The rings under her eyes that he didn't even see in her first approach are so black that they look like they were done with a Sharpie or they were permanent. There are small lines across her forehead, small yes, but deep and powerful, and it shows that she has more feelings that she'd like to recognize. Her skin is dry, her lips just a second away from chapping, and it looks both like she takes a lot of time getting herself ready to the public and like she doesn't take any time at all to get herself pampered. She could easily be one of those rich, spoiled girls who have everything but she's not.

The spikes of short hair are slowly falling over her face and he has to dig his nails into his palm to keep himself from trying to tuck her hair behind her ear.

She is beautiful. All those details make her so human that he feels a strange need to protect her, just like he felt the need to protect Steve. Despite their obvious differences in how to deal with people, from what he's seeing Natasha and Steve are pretty similar – they both are fighters for the others, they never back away from a fight,... and that is very dangerous in this world they live in...

It's weird to start thinking about her like... like she's a part of his family, already.

He's so distracted looking at her that he doesn't notice how her tool slips from her grasp and slides up his arm, scratching the metal until it makes him feel like his skull is on fire.

A huge spark flares over his elbow, making him grit his teeth at the short circuit that he's feeling, he has to close his eyes, trying to control his arm because it feels like it is going to fall. But he fails, bating his hand and hitting Natasha in the shoulder. She falls back on her buttocks, looking at him with her eyes wide, clearly startled.

“Did I hurt you?” he whispers but at the same time...

At the same time she is speaking like she was out of control and crawling towards him “Oh, fuck fuck fuck, that was a huge fuckin' error, enormous mistake, are you dazed? Not electrocuted? Please, be fine?” The last words are almost a prayer and he immediately lets his arm fall down again, smiling softly at Natasha.

“Damage not permanent. The asset has had worse.” He closes his eyes, not wanting to see if (or, rather, how much) he must have scared her with the words that had automatically escaped and shakes his head, biting his lip lightly before speaking again “ _I_ had way worse. But if you could try not to do it again, I'd kinda appreciate it.” He sighs lightly, because somehow he feels like laughing and that's not a thought he should be having “Are _you_ alright?” he asks, before he opens his eyes, trying to hear her footsteps to know if she's leaving him there.

When he opens his eyes, it's to find Natasha smiling, just a slight twitch of her lips, and she leans to pat his elbow so lightly, as if she was throwing him a bone of affection for being a good boy and opening his eyes. She doesn't look scared. She... she should be scared, she should be half paranoid about the way he referred to himself as the asset but she is laughing. The wording was a slip of the tongue, but one that is very hard to explain. “I'm all fine too. Don't you worry, cupcake.” She pats his other arm, rubbing her fingers so lightly on his skin that he has to suppress a shiver. “Can I keep tinkering, or you'd prefer to get a medical visit first?”

“All correct. Keep working, please.” He leans back on the chair, allowing her to keep working on his arm as she pleases. And she is pleased, indeed, humming to herself and back to her previous antics, like nothing had ever happened.

Sometimes, it's her fingers instead of the tools what find their way into the mechanisms of his arm, using her short and chipped nails to twist some small gear. It feels intimate, more intimate than it should, probably because she is silent and focused and he can't avoid looking at her as she is working – he has nothing else to do. HYDRA's workers never felt any intimate, they were cold and dispassionate, and if they had shown any feelings those would have been fear or disdain.

He has never had someone like Natasha working on his arm. He's not sure he can allow anyone to touch his arm ever again. For sure, he doesn't want anyone else touching it after her.

“As much as I hate to admit it, cupcake, I am tired. I don't want to risk electrocuting you again.” She shrugs one shoulder as she releases the belt tool from her hips “I'm pretty sure you don't wanna risk it either. Electricity running through the body is not exactly nice, though that might be my personal opinion on the topic. I'm sure there is people with kinks for that.”

“Yes,” he says, even before he processes what she said, his cheeks blushing so lightly when he notices the mistake “I mean, no, I'd not want to risk it. Will you need to work on the arm again?”

“Would be useful, just to have data to work with if something breaks in the future. But up to you, cupcake, no pressure. If you ever feel like coming, the doors to the 'shop will be open for you.” She's giving things to her robots to put away, clearly getting ready to close the laboratory for the night, but she's not exactly kicking him out.

“I'll... think about it.” Being with Natasha hasn't been as stressful as he thought it'd be. She has posed no questions, she has simply done her part and she didn't look scared or wary around him. She has behaved... like her typical self, as far as he knows. “It has been okay.”

“Oh, dear God, I thought no one's compliments could be as bad as Steve's... but then you talk and demonstrate that yes, they can!” She rolls her eyes, smiling at him but not in a mocking way “Yes. It has been okay. That's why I invited you down again anytime you want. Now leave before your bodyguard goes crazy.” She tilts her head to one of the monitors, where he can see Steve leaning against the wall next to the elevator.

“Thanks.” He nods to her as he exits the room, joining Steve on the outside and asking him to go to their floor. If Natasha had wanted to join them, she would have exited the laboratory – or the 'shop as she calls it –, with him, so no point on asking him to wait for their host.

She... She will become a recurring topic on his mind, he's sure about that.


	2. Whatcha gonna do?

Bucky knew, deep inside him, that meeting Natasha was a bad move, even if his arm had hurt like a bitch and she had been such a pleasant surprise. Yes, he knew it deep inside himself, because after having met her, Sam was already demanding to meet him.

And so would the others, eventually, if he was cleared for human interaction. Which he would be, because Natasha is probably the hardest Avenger to start or maintain a relationship with, according to Steve.

Until then, he had lived an easy and quiet life, keeping his interactions with Steve in a brotherly but casual way, where he could avoid seeing Steve for days when he didn't feel so good or social and Steve wouldn't really resent it... but now that simplicity was bound to change. He probably wouldn't be allowed to lay low any longer, even if he fears taking any spotlight – including a spot as a friend – into the team of superheroes, because he's not an hero at all.

All that he has done for years, for almost a century, has lacked morals. Maybe he wasn't exactly himself but he didn't care much about anything that he did. He's not inherently good, not like Steve, not like Sam... and that makes him so fucking nervous that he feels like he is about to have an anxiety attack when Sam asks to meet him.

But he relaxes and allows the man to come into Steve's floor, something that was forbidden for the last six months.

Meeting Sam was way less tranquil than meeting Natasha, because even though Sam didn't pressure him in any way and didn't try to force him into talking a lot... Sam _does_ act like a shrink, giving him advice on a lot of day to day topics.

Of course, Sam knows better than asking about HYDRA, the Red Room or poking him about obscure topics, and he is extremely supportive of whatever he says, but it didn't feel even remotely as natural as Natasha's treatment had been. Talking to Sam is almost unnerving because it feels like Sam actually wants to know him, and Bucky doesn't know who he is. He has lost himself in the cryogenic chamber, into the programming of the Soldier and the suffering of the war. He is not the Bucky Steve knew.

He wants to run out of the room almost from the beginning but he doesn't, because Steve would be so glad if he actually integrated himself into the life of the Tower, if he stopped hiding away like a dirty secret, but that's how he feels. He doesn't think he come clean about his feelings and his needs, but he might as well try.

For Steve.

Sam started coming over often and although most of the times it was to talk to Steve, he kept checking on Bucky. It seems that Steve and Sam had bonded deeply while looking for him and he was happy to see that Stevie had more friends than just him now. It made him happy to see that there was more people who would give everything to protect Steve, just in the case he couldn't do it himself, and Sam was clearly one of those. _That_ was enough to put Sam on his white list.

The day he dreaded the most came true when the other Natasha called for him... though, if he was honest with himself, that wasn't a real meeting.

He had met her before, when he was still the Winter Soldier and worked for the Red Room, and she was Natalia. He had trained her. He had... he had done many things then and he wasn't exactly proud of most of them. He knew very well the woman she was back then, but she must have changed... and he has changed as well, hasn't he?

It was something really different from meeting Sam and it didn't go any easier on him. She used an easy-going approach and she spoke some quiet and fast Russian that made him be at ease, but then he remembered the reason why the language was so comfortable on his tongue and how for the most of his life he has been stuck in Russia. She made him remember exactly what he was and what he did before he came back, and that wasn't welcome at all.

After speaking to her, he felt like a caged beast, an animal, and when she looked at him and talked with him about their past... no, he simply couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear calling her Natasha, either, and he quickly settled for calling her little spider, as an endearment – she couldn't know how eerie he had felt with her visit.

With her came Clint... obnoxious little bugger, not exactly welcome either, though it was better than Sam in some sense because he was, _indeed_ , completely natural. Come to think about it, he might have been his favourite amongst the last three people, even if he didn't leave a lasting impression apart from a bad sense of humour and lame puns about arrows.

Those two didn't visit often together after that.

Clint came more often than not, usually to put his feet on the coffee table and talk about television shows, making him get started on some... reality shows that Clint seemed very enthusiastic about, like the show where people designed clothes that he was sure no human being would ever want to get close to. Seriously. The clothes they had in the forties were better than that.

His visits slowly became more and more welcome, though, because with Clint around he didn't have to think and he didn't have to talk because Clint filled all the time and the space. Clint would do all the talking and guide him through the new century, slowly and almost like he didn't care about it. Despite of his effort to look stupid, Clint was smart and subtle, both qualities very appreciated by Bucky.

Bruce visited him one day while he was watching some documentary about the war and brought him some disgustingly sweet tea that he couldn't refuse without fearing that he'd somehow upset the man. They talked about everything and nothing. He almost never felt so at ease with anyone, after or before the war. Maybe it's because Bruce also has a monster inside him and that made him feel familiar.

He didn't see Natasha that often, only when he hid on the workshop lying on her couch like he was waiting for something to happen or when he was holing up. He can't ever be sure about what it is he's exactly doing at the workshop but he feels really comfortable there. He falls asleep there, sometimes, and when he wakes up he usually has an old blanket draped over him. Whether it's her or the robots, he doesn't know, but it makes him feel like he is valuable to her and it makes him happy.

Actually, yes, he sees her often even if they don't talk that often. He mostly sits at the workshop to watch Natasha work, and she ignores him just like he wasn't around.

It's relaxing. Like the television, but Natasha is way more interesting.

When they talk, it's only about neutral things even if it's quite away from the typical definition of small talk. She either keeps trying to poke him awake by infuriating him or by talking, over a bottle of vodka, about things that hurt too much for both of them. It's good vodka, but it's only a substitute for human heat, the human interaction that they both miss in their lives, because of so many different reasons.

It doesn't really work.

Only, it does, because the most sombre topics start becoming something that he can talk about.

Occasionally, while the vodka is still kicking, she drives them out. They shouldn't do it and JARVIS usually argues about it, but they do it anyway. Sometimes is the cars, but usually it's more dangerous than that. Usually, she goes to a corner of the workshop and wears that undersuit, which is barely less revealing than being naked, and she takes one of her Iron Man suits. She smiles at him, the mask piece still off, and invites him for a ride.

It's mad and it's amazing, feeling the air on his face like that, feeling the speed, getting to watch New York from whatever building she decides to stop at. Going as far as they can go for him still to breathe. It makes him feel alive.

It has been a month since he met Natasha and she keeps being his favourite, even if he sees her much less than all the others at regular hours. When he mentions to her all the television he's watching with Clint, she is really happy to provide him with a machine to play video-games on and more games than he can possibly play and a nicer television for Steve's floor. Not surprisingly, it's Clint the one that is with him more often, trying to get him to do whatever will make Steve get anxious – like playing with sniper or bloody video-games that are actually amusing. Steve started shouting about a game that would allow Bucky to hit and run over on people on the street. It's not like he is going to start doing it just for playing. Actually, it's not like he hasn't done it before. Or worse. But well, if that makes Steve happy, he won't play that game.

Steve usually sits near them and watches them play, drawing or simply drifting off while reading a book. Sometimes Sam is sitting with him and they talk. He doesn't like it, because it distracts him from playing, being so used to utilize each and every of his senses to the full capacity. The little spider joins them sometimes, but she must have noticed how uneasy she makes him, because she isn't around most of the time.

Bruce functions on his own, very much like Natasha, and he only sees all the Avengers together on movie nights, when they eat junk food and watch something, staying quiet for most of the time. It's not what he expected, when he heard Steve talking so enthusiastically about them, but then, the team has really surprised him, despite knowing almost everything about the people behind the heroes. It's not really a surprising thing, but it's just that he hadn't thought about how _normal_ they all are.

There are other things that surprise him.

Most of them come from Natasha, like the day he had entered the workshop to find Clint and her sitting on comfortable chairs, feet in water and a man rubbing their feet. Natasha said his name was Happy and she quickly invited him for a pedicure.

Clint had come through the vents when she had just started the pedicure, so now that he had fallen asleep on the chair, she was painting his nails with some of the most permanent paint that she had in the workshop. Clint's nails were polished in a shiny, Iron Man golden, right now.

He fled from the workshop after laughing heartily, in fear of receiving the same kind of retaliation from Natasha if he fell asleep.

Those visits, even the unexpected ones, are fine and he is starting to open up to socialization. It's not a quick process, but he feels like he could genuinely make friends with all of them. And Natasha is a wild card that opens his mind more and more.

Nothing could have made him ready to receive the visit of another person, though.

Even before turning his head, he knew that Steve was coming, because Steve is totally unable to hide his heavy footsteps. Steve was way earlier than usual from his visits to SHIELD, so Bucky was still watching TV – it really feels like such a horrible vice but it's something he has come to appreciate about the future and there is such a huge variety of shows to choose from that he doesn't think he'll ever get to watch everything that he wants to –, and both his feet are on the coffee table. He's dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, as comfortable as he ever got, always hiding his arm.

“Stevie, you're early!” He turned his head to find Director Fury standing next to Steve, with a manila folder in his hands, looking as serious and as terrifying as the Avenger's stories made him sound. This is surely the occasion he had subconsciously been fearing, now Fury will want to lock him somewhere for all his crimes, he will be taken from the room and thrown into jail.

“Sergeant Barnes.”

He stands up, ready to be arrested, and nods “Director,” he says simply, trying to be reasonable and trying hard not to go and hide behind Steve. He really wants to hide behind Steve.

“Director Fury has a proposal for you, Buck,” Steve says, going forward and sitting down right next to where he had been, “Don't feel pressured into it, but listen, please.”

He sits down again, his back completely straight in tension, as Fury throws the folder onto the table. It doesn't have his name on it, which is kind of surprising, since he knows that SHIELD has his whole file – all the deaths he caused, all he did for HYDRA, the Red Room, Zola,... instead, it simply has a 'Top Secret' sign on it, like it would actually stop someone from reading it instead of piquing at their interest. It is really not the best decision to print that on any sensitive material but it's not his place to argue about it.

“Read, if you please,” Fury says, sitting down in an armchair in front of them.

Bucky opens the file, reading through the first pages and not actually understanding what is going on. _The Avengers Initiative_ , a contract and rules, and lastly, an assessment of his skills, personality, and all the improvements he made since he had arrived to the tower, signed by Steve and Natasha Romanov.

“I'm not sure I...” he whispers, his hands shaking as he holds the files.

“Natasha made the report and signed it after speaking with you for the first time, Buck. Everyone else in the team knows about it and trusts you and we'd be delighted to have you fighting by our side,” Steve says, resting his hand on Bucky's thigh and squeezing it lightly.

“Sergeant Barnes, I, for one, would be proud to have you on the team,” Fury says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “It would be good for the country to have you back, and it'd be good for you to be back to normal life.”

He stares between the two of them, not quite believing what he is hearing. Yes. He knows that Steve loves him and what he sees when he looks at him is the old Bucky, the Bucky from before the war but the others... they don't know him. They can't be fooled so easily.

“Can I... think about it?” He must look like a cornered dog, because all that he wants to do is escaping from the room as soon as possible. So much trust coming from SHIELD, when he thought that Fury had come to send him to jail, to make him serve for all the crimes he has committed.

“Sure thing,” Steve says, still holding him, his hand heavy on his thigh.

“Rome wasn't built in a day.” Fury nods, his voice calm and steady, like it was exactly the answer that he thought he'd receive. “Steve knows my number, call me when you've decided. I'll be waitin'.” Fury stands up and leaves quickly, taking with him some of the atmosphere that had made Bucky so nervous.

“Why did you... you don't want...?” Steve starts, as soon as the door closes behind Fury. Steve looks almost to the point of tears, like Bucky was rejecting him personally and not simply overwhelmed by everything.

“No. No, Steve. Let me...” He waves his hands and leaves the couch, taking the folder with him and walking around the living room. “Let me breath. This has been too sudden for me. I need time. Gimme time, please.”

He leaves the room and takes the stairs, instead of the elevator, going down and not even noticing where is he going. He doesn't know where he wants to go, truth to be told. Just some quiet place where he can think.

His feet seem to know the path, though.

–

He's not surprised when he ends up in front of the door to the workshop, nor when the door opens on its own. None would be surprised either by him going inside, because the place has become kind of a second home for him. He is still hugging the folder against his chest, even if more than an hour has passed from the moment when he received it and it's totally rumpled by now.

His world view has been shattered in a moment and he doesn't know what to do or what to think. His mind is seriously blank and he's confused and he needs – he _longs_ – for someone who can walk with him through this, preferably someone who didn't start the situation as Steve did. Someone who won't pressure him into deciding anything.

And that's Natasha.

Natasha nods at him from the workbench where she's standing – not the weirdest, nor the worse thing he has seen her do –, not stopping her work on the design and not looking down at him from her privileged spot. He must look like a mess but he can't bring himself to care because she has seen him at his worst and she didn't even blink. In fact, she flirted with him then... and he can frankly say that he is surprised when the first thought that crosses his mind after that, is feeling almost hurt because she hasn't flirted again.

She can surely tolerate his slightly messed up and nervous appearance, because he is sweating – even if the temperature of the whole tower is controlled by Jarvis and it's always at the best temperature possible –, and trembling, and his longer strands of hair are falling down to his face.

On the other hand, she always looks the same. It's comforting, knowing that whenever he comes, she'll be down here with a band t-shirt and a pair of worn jeans, that she'll be working with a mug of coffee close to her and her hair will be spiky and puffy, and mussed up in all weird directions. And that she's almost always barefoot, even if she's dealing with dangerous stuff.

It's a bit like the solace that kids find in knowing where their parents are at all times. Natasha is a reliable source for his comfort.

At the same time, it stirs up some feelings that he thought long gone. The need to protect Steve that he had when they were young – sometimes he simply wants to press Natasha against his chest and hold her, telling her that everything will be alright, he wants to make her sleep, to make her eat and to give her something healthy to drink... he wants to take care of her. It's not his place to do it, but he really wants to.

“Stark,” he says as greeting, his voice low and almost completely broken, just loud enough to be heard.

“Barnes,” she answers back, nodding once again in acknowledgement. He went by the surname knowing that she'd reply in the same fashion, because if he had called her Natasha she'd have surely greeted him with one of her endearments – is that what they really are? Or is she mocking him subtly? – and he's not sure he can take them at the moment.

He sits on a chair next to the workbench and breathes in and out slowly, focusing on that for a couple of minutes before opening his eyes. She is still working, she hasn't paused to look at him in worry, just like anyone else would have done. She isn't ignoring him, she is just doing her thing and giving him time to order his thoughts. He'll talk or he won't, but she won't pull the information from him and he is grateful for that.

“Do you know what this is?” he says, showing her the closed file, throwing it on the table.

“Assessment? Should I congratulate you or was yours more like mine?” She smirks, pushing the file lightly with her toe, even if the gesture isn't completely natural this time. It doesn't reach her eyes and it's weird. He has probably struck a nerve with his question, somehow.

“Congratulate me, I guess...” His mind can't really stop replaying her words, he doesn't even register for how long the silence goes on. “What did your report say?” he asks, very curious, for the first time since he remembers.

“Iron Man is recommended for the Avengers Initiative, whereas Natasha Stark isn't. Because I am self-obsessed, volatile, and I don't play well with others.” She shrugs lightly, her expression still stiff. “I was not in my best moment when Romanov spied on me, but I guess it all is true.” She pauses and licks her lips before adding a, “To some degree.”

“What...?” He doesn't want to make her dig in the parts of her past that hurt her, but he also needs to know everything about her and it's hard to balance out both feelings. The question is open enough for her to answer as she wants, though.

“I was dying.” She stops working, looking at the ceiling, avoiding his gaze completely for the first time ever. “But then, shit happened, though, so they had to accept me. I should be grateful to Reindeer Games for storming in like he did.” With a small sigh, she resumes her work. “I understand, though, how your circumstances are completely different from mine. And you have Cap vouching for you. That counts more than anything.”

He shakes his head “Steve sees me for the kids we were, back then. You don't have the smartest leader.” She chuckles but, surprisingly, she doesn't say anything, nor to agree nor to disagree with his comment. She usually retaliates against whoever says anything against Steve, because if someone can talk shit about Steve that's her, she'd argue with all the others until they rectify their opinion. “Well, yes, you do, Steve is really really intelligent but you understood me, he is a bit naïve,” he says, hands still shaking as he takes back the file. “Do you all _really_ want me to join the Avengers?”

“If even _I_ heard about it, then you can be a totally sure everyone agreed to have you in our merry boy band,” she says and her voice is warm, like she would really welcome him in.

He can't avoid asking, though, “You think it's a good idea? You really trust me?”

“Of course, or I'd have voted against it. I would never agree to anything just for the sake of agreeing, you know me better than that.” She waves a hand, dismissing the thought. “Never been a fan of the more, the merrier, but...”

He nods, understanding what she means and he sits down on one of the chairs – and he is fairly sure that the population of chairs in the workshop has grown since the first time he came around, every time he comes there's a new and comfier chair, or a bigger one –, watching her work for a while.

It's ~~one of~~... it's his favourite thing to do, because he always delighted himself in watching the most futuristic movies with Steve when they were kids, even if he teased Steve for watching them so enthusiastically – trying to be a grown up, trying to make Steve look like the kid and make himself look as the tag along even if he was the biggest nerd while Steve just wanted to understand what the hell was he talking about –, and he is frankly fascinated by how outlandish her science is.

Despite having been awake and kicking for years in the future, going back and forth between a lot of different and very advanced organizations, he has never seen anything that can be compared to Natasha.

Not even seeing Howard in the 40's gave that intrinsically _futuristic_ impression, and Howard did crazy stuff, both for the public as in the Stark Expo and in more secretive fields as his work with Steve. He never quite liked the man but he did respect his work. Captain America did look much better after Howard worked on the designs, and Steve really liked the man.

His laboratories might have been normal places – at least, those in Europe, he didn't know anything about the private places that Howard must have had back at home – but the work Howard did there was amazing. His designs saved lives.

Natasha, on the other hand... it's like her workshop is a completely made from holograms and it's almost surprising how it needs human input to get working. It's not regular human input, though, it's Natasha Stark's, and that makes a huge difference. At least, it does to him.

He looks up and sighs, raking a hand through his hair to pull it away from his face. His movement, however, snaps Natasha out of her thoughts.

“So, what are you going to do?” It's barely more than a whisper and he wouldn't have heard it without his improved senses. He almost doesn't register the question, because it is the first time she is asking him anything.

He sighs again, shifting on his seat “Frankly, I don't know, Natasha. At all.”

She nods, not pressuring him at all into choosing anything, not trying to make him feel any differently from what he is feeling. “Whatever you choose, it'll be fine, you know. Even if it's a contract, it's not like that.”

It's confusing for a moment, because Steve was trying to guilt trap him into joining, not even asking if he had any problem but Natasha is simply asking for a piece of his mind. She is not what the others think she is, not at all.

“You truly aren't scared, or you haven't given a thought to all the possibilities?” He lowers his fists against his thighs, making a hard sound. “Like, one of my favourites, that I will slip back into the programming and kill every one of you while on a mission? That I can lose control over the Soldier as the time passes?”

She laughs, loud and joyful and it scares him for a second. “Not to underestimate you, cupcake, I am very sure that you could kill people with your lashes, and I'm refraining from mentioning your thighs... but we are Earth's mightiest heroes, we aren't killed that easily.”

He is digging his nails into his own palms, nervous as hell and she is laughing, disregarding the possibilities. “How can you be so sure?”

“As I said, we have thought about it... and we want you with us, Bucky.” She smiles in such a warm way that it makes him forget about his fear. Her words settle some tranquillity in his chest. She is like a relaxing balm for his heart.

She keeps working and he stays silent until she jumps down from the table comes closer, walking around his chair to pick something from the back shelves. Too high for her bots, and she wouldn't want to bother him.

“Sometimes I am scared of myself,” he whispers, a bit broken, something insides himself feels broken and he wants to be held.

Natasha smirks, looking down at him on the chair and patting his cheek so lightly, the caress making his soul shiver. “And aren't we all, dear?”

“You know what it is? To be unmade and reshaped?”

“I do.” She goes silent, staring at him, her hand still cupping his face. “The six of us do, cupcake. You ain't alone, not when you got us.”

That's the last thing they say, and he stays down there until Natasha resurfaces for food in the middle of the night, ready to raid the kitchen. He follows her like a lost puppy and allows himself to eat whatever she orders from the 24 hour diner, both of them sitting at the breakfast bar and eating in silence.

He's not sure if the feeling on his chest is just because he needed the reassurance or if the feeling is just about Natasha.

He can't say that he is in love. ' _Love is for children_.' The words have been hammered into his head for years. He doesn't even know Natasha, she is too deep even if all of her teammates disregard her as superficial. But why can't he stop thinking about her, then? Why can't he stop analysing every one of her moves, every one of her thoughts?

His forehead must have been wrinkled as he was thinking, because she kisses his forehead before she goes to sleep and he is frozen in place, sitting at the kitchen, until Steve finds him hours later.


	3. Avengers

It's not until days later that he finds the _courage_? No, it's not courage, he simply needed to find the moment when everyone's words would weight more than his own doubts and judgement.

It's the middle of the night and he is alone in his room, his lights are off and he is in complete darkness, just like he discovered he needs to be for falling asleep, but it's right then when he takes the phone from his night table and calls Fury to join the Avengers. He almost expects the man to shout at him for calling at such hours, to get a sudden insight into whom he is, into whom has he invited to join them and why is it such a bad idea.

But Fury doesn't. He doesn't even sound sleepy and that's not a big surprise. Instead, he is uncharacteristically happy and congratulates him for joining, prompting him to ask whatever he could need from Stark. It's that line what makes him upset on so many levels that he can't really express it, so he stays silent and forces himself to thank Fury for the opportunity as soon as the man shuts up.

“You won't regret it. You'll have the time of your life,” Fury says.

He can't really be sure about how could that rock not hit the bottom, sooner or later. Famous last words, indeed, in the same level as ' _what's the worst that could happen?_ '. Regret is useful for nothing, though, so he makes a noise of agreement and hangs up after saying his goodbyes as soon as he could.

Though, he can't go back to sleep because he is upset. So moments later after hanging up, he quickly goes to Steve's bedroom and wakes him up to vent about Fury telling him to ask everything from Natasha until he is hoarse, but Steve looks bored, sleepy, and almost surprised to hear him rant like that.

Actually, Steve is falling asleep on him, pawing him like they were kids. It's weird of Steve to not to be lining up with him on this topic – that's not the Steve he used to know, that feels really selfish.

The time apart was different for both, surely. And that's another weird thought, because as much as he adores Steve, he feels the need to protect Natasha more than Steve. Maybe it's like that because she looks and feels vulnerable, while this Captain America person is absolutely perfect and unbreakable. It's not like his old, sick Steve.

Steve goes back to sleep after patting his leg, welcoming him to the team and a promise to talk further in the morning. ' _Better when I'm not asleep, Buck._ '

So he goes down to the workshop, not surprised to find Natasha awake, but very surprised when she actually laughs at him for his concern. She pats his back and leans onto him, shoulder to shoulder with him and grinning flirtily... or mischievously “Things go like this, cupcake. I scratch your back,” she wraps an arm around the small of his back, as to prove the point “and the whole team's for the matter, and SHIELD scratches mine. Not like they could ever turn on me, but I have a lot of money to spend on this team and I don't actually mind spending it this way.” she winks at him and walks away. “So ask away everything you want.”

He is so puzzled that he simply sits down for a while, but she takes that moment to start throwing pieces of tech over him, from the fabric of Steve's suit to new and improved weapons.

And he doesn't even need to ask. After she is done throwing all her tech over him, she starts building stuff. He leaves the workshop half an hour later with a new gun under his belt and a request to come back tomorrow to pick up his suit.

–

He does come back on the next day, even if it is hard for him not to run away from this _opportunity_? _responsibility_? Whatever it is, really. He doesn't, though, because he knows that Natasha must have really worked on things for him and she'll be waiting. For him, not for anyone else.

When he enters the room, Natasha smiles brightly at him, even if she looks like she hasn't left the workshop since his last visit. She probably hasn't.

“You're lucky, cupcake, the suit's first version is all ready. Stand up here.” She bosses him around, pulling his wrist and taking him to the spot she was referring to. It's a circular platform in front of her Iron Man suits and he always wondered what was its purpose.

Dummy brings the pieces of cloth and Natasha takes them, quickly prompting him to take off his clothes and try the new ones on.

“A little privacy, maybe?” he asks with a shame he isn't really feeling. It feels good to have someone staring at him once more. It's good to have Natasha looking at him with that grin, because it makes him forget why he was anxious in the first place.

“Spoilt sport,” she says, even if she actually turns back, shaking her head. “Or was the Howling Commandos something more about your dress up state and less about your fighting?”

He laughs and gets dressed as quickly as possible, not failing to notice how the suit fits him almost to perfection. Whether that's something that Jarvis did or was it Natasha's part, it's amazing, because neither of them asked to get his measurements. Natasha's hands are all over him a second after he is done pulling the last zipper, fastening the last strap to his hip.

“It's a bit loose here,” she says, hands running on his lower back. “We wouldn't want that.”

“Natasha...” he trails off, rolling his eyes as she pats his lower back, skipping his ass completely... his heart skips a beat with that movement and he laughs at his own reaction “You are a fucking tease.”

“Language! I can't believe Cap hasn't worn you out of swearing yet. And, hey, you like it, that's why I do it, pretty stuff.” She winks at him, not denying even for a second that she is a tease indeed. “We seriously have to change that part, or you'll give yourself a wedgie while going upstairs or something. That's the excuse you guys give Natalia to redesign her uniforms, so we'll do that with you too, cupcake.”

He laughs while she asks Jarvis to start creating a definitive version. “I'd like to see it, you know. Any mirrors around?”

“Yea.” She makes a signal and Jarvis pulls on the video feed, allowing Bucky to check himself from different cameras. “Jay's better than any mirror.”

“Well, yeah. You should be prouder.” He can't avoid but smile at his image on the cameras, it looks similar to his old uniform but somehow this one is so much better. Yes, it is black leather, but it was actually created with him as the model – it fits him, it's comfortable, and it's like Natasha even took into consideration the way that he moves and how he leans on things.

She laughs again and it's one of the happiest sounds he ever heard, she sounds just so amused. “Never let anyone hear that. That I should be prouder, when everyone else calls me arrogant and vainglorious.”

“People gives you too little credit.”

“Maybe you give me too much, cupcake.” She pauses, like she was going to say something but thought about it again, she actually rolls her eyes before she changes the topic. “Like it?”

“Adore it. Thank you so much.” His smile is completely sincere “Why showing the arm, though?”

“Because it will make any villain run from you.” She makes a small roaring sound, smirking at him.

“You really think so?”

“The other alternative is saying that I love it and that I wish you showed your arm more often, because it's nothing to feel ashamed of. Whatever floats your boat, cupcake.”

Definitely, he likes the version where Natasha loves something of him better, but he's not ready to say it aloud, so he simply laughs and hopes that his stubble hides the colour flushing his cheeks.

She pats the elbow of his metallic arm, her fingers lingering for a second. “I also made a sleeve but I'd rather like if you only used it when you really need the camouflage.”

“We'll see how it works like this.” He winks at her, naturally... it's weird to think how much he's recovering his social skills just by being around Natasha, considering she is the only one who isn't trying to get Bucky back.

–

The first time that the alarm sounds, they were all together in a movie night, even Natasha had come to the common floor to be with them. They were watching some martial arts' movie, and he will have to ask Jarvis about it later, because when he suggested that the movie was a no brainer, Natasha had given him the bad eye and murmured something about being disrespectful to the gods of martial arts – because ' _that's Bruce fuckin' Lee to you, old fella_ '.

Luckily, a moment later the movie stopped frozen as Jarvis patched a call from Fury through.

“Avengers, assemble! You have a hive of doom bots around Central Park and we don't know if there are more bots hiding somewhere else. Contention is needed first, we are still evacuating people.”

Everyone runs to get their gear before meeting up in the top of the tower, where the Quinjet is waiting for them. Widow is the first to board it, wanting to take the pilot position, Hawkeye boarding just a step behind her. Both of them are the perfect SHIELD agents.

Watching Bruce getting ready for the battle is curious, because he hasn't geared up. He has geared down, wearing some purple pants and forgoing his regular shirts for a t-shirt.

It's just when she lands right next to him that he realizes he has never seen Natasha wearing the Iron Man armour for going into a battle before. It is more impressive than seeing it on the walls, way more impressive than the old models she took for joyrides, and now she looks exactly as dangerous as the design should be, and she is taller, taller than he and Steve. Which is just right.

“Anyone wants to tag along?” She asks through the speakers, her voice slightly different from her usual tone. Must be some slight distortion. “I assume Legolas doesn't want to come with me today, since he's already into the jet.”

“I'll go with you,” Steve says, grabbing her arm and half climbing to her back.

“Great, everyone else on board then,” Widow replies from the comms, her voice tingling into his ear. It's a weird feeling, he has never taken any earpiece to his missions.

Bruce pats his back, leading him inside the Quinjet while Steve flies off with Natasha. The inside of the plane is big enough to make them all comfortable, even if it'll be a two minutes flight into the city. It's a sensation he never felt before, flighting like this. The plane feels too fast under his feet, all the other times for the Winter Soldier's missions he was dispatched in deep sleep only to be woken up once they got wherever they were lead to.

Widow lands them at the park, since all the high spots are too far away from the action. It's like they don't even have to talk about what each of them should be doing, Bruce hulks out as soon as he steps outside of the jet and Widow and Steve stick together. Iron Man is flying up and gathering all the bots she can around her, bringing them to the clearing in the park where they are. Hawkeye is over the Quinjet, shooting any bot that comes near.

He ends up next to Widow and Steve, even if he has to duck some blows from Widow from time to time. Fighting with Steve, he knows how to do that, fighting with the others, not so much. There aren't many bots on the ground, but they are enough to make them fight for over an hour, because they are intelligent and it's hard to destroy them.

Even one of the powerful blows of his arm is not enough to make them crack, they seem as tough as his own arm – perhaps even better, because the rest of his body can get tired whereas the robots don't get tired at all.

Later, maybe not quickly enough, he grabs his rifle to try to cover Natasha's back. He's all sweaty and his pulse falters a bit. All the others aren't in a better condition, but as _their_ fight is over now they are all looking up in the sky to track the others.

“Iron Man, bring the bots down so we can all help you,” Steve says.

“Whatcha think I'm doing, having a picnic with them?” Iron Man answers, turning back to shoot a small missile behind herself, destroying one of the bots. She is really trying, she is flying low but the bots avoid the ground easily.

“Then land and come with us,” Steve says with a sigh.

“And if they don't follow me, then it'll be too late to gather them again. I won't risk it.”

“There are no civilians around, land!”

“I'm running out of ammo, Iron Man.” Hawkeye joins the conversation. His quiver does look almost empty, and soon it'll be just he and Natasha fighting with the dozen of bots left. Her armour seems to be getting slower, her movements aren't as swift as they were at the beginning.

“Pick up some, birdbrain!”

“Natasha, get down!” Bucky is the one who shouts it, and she ducks down by pure trust in him. He is almost completely sure that if Steve had been the one shouting that, she wouldn't have ducked. A missile passes over her head, hitting one of the huge trees and setting it on fire after an explosion. Her armour finally fails and falls, landing with a thud.

The bots follow her, just as Steve had predicted, but she is not moving for a moment and all the bots are swarming her. He jumps in the middle of the confusion, trying to protect Natasha – and he is quickly followed by the others.

All the bots seem to be focused on Natasha, though, because they really ignore all the others. Hulk is having fun, smashing them to pieces – he is the only one who seems not to be tired.

“Doom will not fail. Be ready for the revenge!” one of the bots shouts out, the ugliest and biggest piece of them all.

And somehow, with a groan of exhaustion, Bucky ends up destroying that last bot, the one who spoke. It feels great.

–

“Was this the regular?” he asks on the Quinjet, headed to the SHIELD's headquarter in New York. Steve is flying with Natasha again, as soon as she managed to make the Iron Man suit work again, because Fury wanted to see them as soon as possible. That will probably involve some yelling before they arrive. Bruce is sleeping and the little spider is listening to music.

It's almost like Clint and him were alone in the plane. It's not like he doesn't know that Clint will tell everything to Widow, but it's nice to ignore that she is included in their conversation.

“Yes, man.” Clint nods, patting his arm.

“Natasha too?”

“Stark? Always does that.” Clint rubs his eyes with the heel of his hand. “I swear one day I'm gonna cut the comms down.”

“Steve and her are always like that?” He can't believe it, at all. Both Steve and Natasha are stubborn as hell, yes, but they choose their fights better... or so it seemed “For real?”

“The fuckin' idiots never stop bickering. Like an old married couple. You know, we used to have bets at Shield about when would they finally fuck and shut the fuck up, but seems no one's winning. Not even 'em.”

He rolls his eyes before answering anything, just trying to take in what Clint said... people betting about Natasha and Steve getting together? Do they even know... either of them? “Important stuff for a secret agency, definitely.”

“Agents have no lives of their own to speak of, not ever in public, so picking on public figures' lives is what they do as small talk.” Clint sounds really serious now, like he was also hiding a life of his own beneath the easy-going appearance. “Cap's sex life, or rather, the lack of, has as many bets running around. Almost as many as Stark's abundance of it, though now that we live at her Tower, I see nothing going on for her either. Bets 'bout you may start soon, now that you joined us. You are too close to both of them.”

Clint smirks and Bucky does all he can to change the topic quickly, because he really doesn't want to think about that. What will it be, the thing that will make people mistrust him, now? In the Army, he got into trouble a couple of times because some people had assumed that he was in a relationship with Steve, even thought it was something that never happened... so it's better to guide the conversation somewhere else. “Is she always so antagonistic?”

Clint's attitude changes as well, going back to his usual. “You kidding? She was on good behaviour today. Whatcha you two do at the workshop if it's not arguing?”

“Talking,” he answers, nonchalant, picking on his nails to hide his face from Clint.

“Stark can talk?” Clint smirks, the smile reaching his eyes “That's all you do down there?”

“Yes, Barton, and fuck you.” Clint actually shrugs the comment off, still smirking. He has a feeling that bets will be on much faster than he thought because he can't seem to hide his crush on Natasha.

Widow takes off her headphones, telling them to get ready to land the Quinjet and to wake Bruce up.

–

After the debriefing – his first debriefing as a member of the Avengers and as an asset for SHIELD; which consisted solely of Steve and Natasha yelling at each other, occasionally interrupted by Fury's shouts directed to the both of them – they all go back home. It's way too easy to call the Tower home and that's another topic he'd rather not think about.

They share an early dinner of pizza in silence, Steve going to sleep as soon as the food is over. He knows perfectly that Steve won't fall asleep any time soon, so he goes to their floor just in the case that the jerk wants to talk. He's not sure he can agree with whatever is going on Steve's mind but he'd surely want to hear it.

The company he gets is not the visitor he was waiting for. It's Clint who shows up, turning on the video-game machine and sitting down with him.

“Good for stress, man,” Clint says, giving him the controller and choosing a fighting game.

It's hours since Clint left before she walks into his living room, something she barely did once before – and it was just to throw more video-games at him after he expressed his love for the machine. Natasha looks slightly unsure of herself before she sits down next to him, but she leans into him naturally. She looks... positively exhausted and drenched, but somehow happy.

“You did it.” It's just a whisper from her and it takes him half a minute to get it, but he beams a smile when he does.

“Yeah. Thanks to you.” He wraps an arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer. It's not like they usually cuddle, but his energy is running so low that her warmth feels irresistible.

“Cap's a bitch,” she murmurs, her lips twirling into a slight smile. Her whole posture is completely relaxed, flush against him – her eyes seem to be almost closed and her mind seems to have slowed down almost as much as it does when she drinks. This is not Stark being contrary for the sake of it, this is Natasha joking about someone she considers a friend.

“He's not and you know it.” She nods and shrugs lightly, pressing herself even closer. “But you hate her, don't you?”

She shifts on the couch, leaning away from the half embrace they had fallen into. “Who? Natalia?” Her voice becomes sharper and she no longer looks half asleep.

He nods, shifting a bit to close the gap between them, because it actually feels cold without her pressed against him. She quickly gives into his embrace, even if her voice is still a bit high when she speaks next.

“Why would I hate her?”

A wrong move and it all will be lost. He thinks carefully – and quickly – his next words, because waiting too much would be as bad as saying something that is not logical for Natasha. “You call her Natalia.”

“You call her spider,” she retorts, quick and sharp.

“Got my reasons to not to call her Natasha or Natalia.” He rubs her shoulder with his flesh hand, doing his best to make his voice sound matter of factly.

“Me too.” She is better at the game of not giving a fuck. He knows it but it's always a shock to hear her going so emotionless.

“She is my past and it's not a good place,” he answers, giving in to the feeling and sighing. His hand slides down her arm and he ends up holding her hand, his palm over the back of her smaller hand.

“She spied on my past, spies on my present and will spy on my future, and I'm not sure I even care anymore,” she pauses and rests her head against his shoulder again, accepting his fingers to get interlaced with hers. “I'd protect her with my life, I'd give her the moon for all she does for us, but she lied to me.”

“Everyone lies.”

“Have you ever lied to me, buddy?” The curiosity, the spark is back in her voice, but it's not enough to raise his alarms.

He feels forced to look down into her eyes before answering, his thumb lingering on Natasha's wrist, wanting to feel her pulse “Never.”

“You'd better not. Don't be an asshole.” She is calm and collected, but smiling. She looks happy with their current situation.

She is looking up at him and they are too close but he is also too content about it all to move, to do anything and ruin it. “What about you?” He ends up asking, but he doesn't really care. If Natasha were to lie to him, he's sure she'd have a good reason to do so.

“I may hide shit, but I don't lie, cupcake. Take off the may, I hide my shit all the time,” her smile grows slyer “but I am not a liar.”

He nods, finally breaking his gaze again and resting his head over hers, bringing her closer to himself again. “I trust you to not to lie to me when shit hits the fan. I'll do something wrong, eventually. Very, very wrong. Talk to me then, please.”

“I do something wrong, _very wrong_ , everyday. Beat that.” She chuckles lightly, resting her whole body against his, her back pressed against his chest, his metal arm wrapped around her waist to keep her from falling.

Not even fifteen minutes later, she is soundly asleep against him, her breathing pattern slow and regular. It's just natural that he feels warm and loved because she trusts him enough to sleep in his presence... in his arms... that she trusts him back, because he has fallen asleep in the workshop a dozen times by now and the worst she ever did was try to take him to his bed, because as soon as she pulled his body from the couch they both fell to the floor. The truth is that he woke up startled to find a Natasha under his body, holding her face like even breathing hurt her but laughing to tears and asking Jarvis to replay the fall over and over again. The sound of her laughter is the sweetest thing he has ever heard.

She had a bruise on her cheek for a week and happily told everyone that it had been done by Cap's best friend – and everyone tended to think that it had been either in a weird experiment or in a mission but they never came even close to the truth.

She is different from anything he ever knew. She is imperfectly perfect, she is like the Sun.

He falls asleep shortly after, leaning down on the couch with her still pressed to his chest, not wanting to wake her up... not wanting to be alone in his too big, too comfortable bed, not when he can cuddle with Natasha on the couch.

It feels like heaven.


	4. Routines

In the few weeks since he has joined the Avengers he has fought a dozen times with Doom bots – which are, luckily, not as competent as the plans that Natasha has to create an Iron Legion that could kick the bots collective asses at any moment, and the only thing they will need help from the team is to avoid all the civilian casualties –, grimy monsters of unknown origin, mages from other realms – since when is that a thing? and why does everyone seem to come to Earth lately? when he was younger things like this didn't happen –, master villains and other kind of dangers.

It's fun and it's tremendously exciting.

He felt out of place the first time, and maybe the second and the third as well, but the truth is that he is quickly getting reacquainted with fighting in groups. That is what he was trained for, in the forties.

Fighting alongside Steve once more is better than he remembered it, because now he can go into the brawl instead of being just the sniper – even if he is a great sniper when they need him to cover a spot. Sometimes he does it spontaneously, because it allows him to cover everyone's backs and he likes protecting his friends.

Hawkeye loves the company when he stays back and they both adore the contests they make about who hits more enemies, but the clutter on the comms increases greatly when he stays in the background.

Mainly, Natasha talks more, and it's way shittier towards everyone and then Steve is alone in the centre of the battle with Hulk and Widow covering the sides, so he doesn't go on sniper duty often.

The team, the Avengers, work like a well oiled machine – everyone knows their positions and how to protect all the others and themselves. He feels a bit out of tune with them for a while, but the sparring time he gets with everyone quickly makes up for that.

Sparring becomes a part of the routine.

In weeks' time he relearns every move of the Widow – and has taken more than one beating from her, because she's a lethal asset and her thighs are the best weapon on the face of Earth –, he refreshes on how to use Steve's shield like it was something of his own, Hawkeye has trained him into using bows and avoiding arrows, and Hulk... let's say that Hulk has stopped hitting him like he was one of the bad guys.

Natasha sometimes pops by the gym, but it's only to sit there and look at them, pointing mistakes, or to box with the spider. Natasha always get beaten in the boxing ring, but she laughs and congratulates the spider when she leaves. It's the only time when both Natashas interact outside of the missions, because even when they are all together the women carefully avoid each other.

Falling asleep on the couch with Natasha has also become a part of their special routine and it's the part that he adores the most.

She is so exhausted when she crawls next to him, she is so sweet then, lacking all of her habitual brash charm, that he finds himself craving that touch all the other nights, when he is alone in bed and chased by his nightmares.

He never has a nightmare when he sleeps with Natasha, and if he judges on the chips of conversation that he has with Jarvis, Natasha doesn't have nightmares either when they sleep together.

It's highly therapeutic.

Also, that is absolutely not the reason why he craves that feeling, if he is honest with himself.

He has fallen for Natasha, somehow, even if he's not ready to recognize it.

He falls into an easy routine with the team, only broken by the villains or by Natasha's random acts when she's bored. When she's bored and alone, anything can happen at the workshop... and anything can come out of it, literally anything from roombas with knives (to guard the elevators, she claimed, not that anyone believed that) to new arrows for Clint.

In all, the most remarkable event of the weeks that pass is that Doom keeps failing to control the city or to hit them, despite his promise. The Doom bots have been appearing around the city every two or three days and it has become kind of a competition, a running joke to be the one to hit the last standing robot, and Bucky is a really good at it and the second on the list is Natasha, even if she doesn't appear to be interested in that particular competition.

Bucky is so good, thought, that after one of the most taxing battles Hulk noticed him and even hugged him tight against his chest, shaking him in the air.

“Man has a pretty arm, tin woman must like!” Hulk tells him, keeping him pressed against his green chest until he is dropped right in front of Natasha. “Hulk brings tin arm man to meet tin woman!” Hulk announces, happy and proud to have something to share with his favourite person.

“Yeah, Big Guy, I know him and like him already, no worries,” Natasha says with a laugh, wrapping her arms around Hulk.

And he can only guess that he was lucky to be left on the ground by Hulk, who promptly hugs Natasha back, because ' _Hulk loves tin woman_.'

None has any doubt about the undying love that Hulk has for Natasha, and they all are terrified of what could happen if Iron Man was ever injured in front of the Hulk. From what he has heard, and what Bruce has told him – Hulk considers Natasha as his only and best friend, because she doesn't treat him like he was different. It's odd to have the same reasons to love her that the _monster_ does, but he has been a monster as well and he understands them too well.

–

The Quinjet is a busier place on the days Natasha decides to come back with them instead of flying to the Tower in her suit. She always takes the pilot spot and if she has to leave, like she has done now to change her clothes, she prefers to leave the responsibility on Jarvis instead of allowing anyone else to drive.

Steve is trying to convince him to go out of the Tower some time, to join Sam and him at the veterans' group, to talk about everything that has changed in his life after the war.

He is not convinced and he doesn't really want to do it, because he feels that his adaptation is as good as it could be. He can use the internet, he knows how to make everything work and... actually, he doesn't believe that group meetings can change anything for him. He doesn't really want to talk to strangers, and he's having a hard time trying to make Steve and Sam understand that.

Perhaps he should have known that when Natasha came back – wearing one of her black, perfect business suits because she is going to a SI meeting afterwards – she'd jump into any conversation to forget how bored she'd be afterwards. Or that she'd jump into the conversation to save him from it, because he must look uncomfortable.

What he would have never guessed is the topic she'd chose.

“I heard that you've found some old videos of mine, cupcake. Perhaps it's time that I also showed you something about the new world?” Her tone is totally flirty, but he is sure that anyone else on the jet would be taking this as an insult, or as Natasha trying to shame them.

All the others have turned to them, even if they were paying no attention when he was talking to Steve and Sam about his adaptation to the future. It's another small reminder that whatever he says, he's always watched.

He's not ashamed, though, of course he has found those videos and has self indulged himself with the curves in Natasha's body. Steve's face, however, is fully red. Steve? Why now? Oh, God, he hasn't been the only one to be curious about the whole ' _Natasha's sex videos_ ' thing that all the other Avengers – and Jarvis – like to tease and joke about from time to time. But hey, it isn't fair that they – he – haven't seen the videos, while everyone else has.

“Your generation didn't invent sex, Natasha,” he answers, keeping his gaze on her. He doesn't really want her to turn her head and find that Steve is blushed, he'd never hear the end of the teasing.

“I'm sure we didn't, but your generation didn't have me, and I'm kinda great at it.” She is grinning, walking slowly from the door to the cockpit, making sure to move her hips seductively – the same thing she does whenever she uses that tone of voice. She's irresistible. “Hmm, that time with the contortionist. Almost as _fulfilling_ as the twins from Men's Health December's cover. Delicious.”

“Hey, if it's about contortionists, I worked at the circus before,” Clint chimes in, wiggling his eyebrows. Natasha just looks at him and rolls her eyes, keeping the teasing smirk.

“I should really sit you down and tell you some stories from the war,” his voice is flat, like he hasn't given any importance to her words. He has, though, and he's a bit jealous but he's trying not to judge Natasha. She's a grown up woman and it isn't like he's a pure man.

“As long as it's on your lap, cupcake,” she bites her lower lip, locking her gaze with his. “Or on your face.”

“Don't say anything you don't intend to keep, Natasha,” he answers, just trying to have the last word, even if he knows that it is a mission completely impossible when Natasha is the one on the other end. His eyes are gleaming from amusement and hers... if he didn't know any better, he'd say she has taken it as a challenge.

“Though, just saying. The next time Thor comes around, I'm gonna ask him to make me the sex goddess.” She walks closer, leaning to whisper to his ear, placing her hand on his shoulder. “And I'll get you on your knees. For totally valid reasons such as worshipping.” She winks at him and keeps walking to the cockpit, releasing Jarvis from the piloting task.

Everyone else is looking between the two of them like they are absolutely nuts. Not that they aren't but, seriously, if they are offended by this they should never go back to the war during the forties because they wouldn't survive a day in camp... if Natasha ever discovers how to travel back in time... well, actually, he might consider allowing them to go to the war. Because then, maybe, he wouldn't have... lost his arm? Lost himself? But what then, if he had never fallen from the train? What could have happened?

He snaps back to reality when Steve pats his shoulder, one of his eyebrows raised in a silent question, wanting to make sure that he is fine.

“Natasha? What are your thoughts on time travel?” he asks, before he can control himself, before he can remember that they are not at the workshop and that all their teammates are present.

She is looking ahead and it's like she hadn't heard him for a second but then she answers as matter of factly as she always does. “Hard to control, potential damage across the time parallels, almost sure death.” She pauses, turning to smile at him again before adding “Sounds good.”

“Ever worked on it?”

“Nope. I have other things to finish first. Will tell ya, when I do.”

He hums, and everyone else is looking at them again, like they had missed a good part of the whole conversation. And it's not true, not really, it was just a random thought. Just like they interact when they are at the workshop.

Steve places his hand on his shoulder again, making eye contact with him and looking so worried that he almost breaks out laughing. “Are you alright, Buck?”

“Yes, yes, Stevie. I was just lost in my thoughts for a second.” He smiles at Steve, placing his hand over Steve's and squeezing it. “You know, what future really gave me or, rather, took away from me, is the feeling of impossible. I mean, look at this team. Nothing is really impossible for you.”

Steve smiles, hugging him. “You are a part of the team as well, Buck.”

He squeezes Steve as close as he can, enjoying the moment. “I know. And it's thanks to you,” he pauses for a second, pulling back just a little to watch Steve's face, “brother.”

And it's worth it, because Steve smiles at him so brightly, embracing him even a bit tighter, almost enough to make him cough – being a supersoldier doesn't seem enough to oppose the strength of Steve's affection. But it's all fine. It's perfect, because with Steve everything is back to the way it was before the war and that's the only thing he really missed about the forties.

–

The alarm to assemble has caught him at the shower after a sparring session with Steve. He is damn tired after having worked with Steve for over an hour but hell if he doesn't go on the mission, because the adrenaline is running through his veins. Even after months of being an Avenger, the alarm makes him snap out of his wariness.

He quickly dries himself and gets into his gear. The uniform Natasha designed for him – change after change, because she is never satisfied and she seems to adore working on things for him – is very similar to Steve's, in dark navy blue and with small touches of red and white instead of the initial all black look, even if his uniform is more of a camouflage suit than Steve's, to allow him to use to full extent his capacities as sniper. She still left his arm uncovered, though, ' _to put the fear of God in the mind of the enemies_ ' Natasha said. He's not a God but if that is what she wants... It's not like he can refuse anything to her.

He takes his knifes, guns and his favourite rifle and he leaves the room to join the others at the roof.

“My turn!” he exclaims, when he sees Steve next to Natasha on the roof. Hell if he's leaving in the Quinjet, he wants to arrive first and that's Iron Man's speciality and that's something he really appreciates.

“Yeah, sure thing. Com'ere, buddy,” Natasha answers through the speakers, like this was a discussion they had often. Which he totally did, but it was more with Steve than with her, because Steve is always the one going with her and it's not fair. He can't avoid a smile while he holds onto her, like a kid who got the gift they exactly wanted, grinning even more when Steve stares at him with that ' _you disappointed Captain America_ ' face that he wears so often when they don't allow him to do what he wants.

Widow rolls her eyes, muttering a ' _Kids..._ ' to herself before going into the Quinjet.

Natasha starts the flight as soon as the Quinjet is ready, and even though she waited for them to take off, she is well ahead before the Quinjet leaves Manhattan. Feeling the air on his face as they travel is awesome.

The comm quickly fills in with all the information, Jarvis got the briefing from SHIELD. They are headed to a warehouse in the skirts of New Jersey, where some strange activity has been detected. They thought it was just about the materials they were shipping – some of them on the brink of being illegal, though it's nothing extremely worrying, it's just some kind of pesticides or insecticides – but a civilian has seen something that remotely looks like a bot poking out of it. The description is too close to the one of the Doom bots for SHIELD to let it go and the pesticides thing sounds dangerous if they are in bad hands, so it has definitely become an issue that Natasha should dig in. Better with the rest of the Avengers.

They arrive early enough for Natasha to set a live coverage while waiting for the Quinjet, so Steve can start ordering them.

“Perimeter is yours, Iron Man. Don't allow anyone to get through, in or out.”

“Will do, Cap. No worries.”

“Be alert for anything going out of windows, we know Doom's constructs are able to fly. Hawkeye, get the corner that faces the door, your mission is to help Iron Man containing them inside.”

“Aye, aye, Cap.”

“Hulk, Widow and Bucky will lead in with me. We are going in blind, so stay online with the comms. We don't know what's waiting for us inside, if anything,” Steve finishes. It would be terrifying but that's what Steve does all the time.

The first time he went on a mission he was totally wired up, waiting for... a bomb to explode at each step he took or something like that. Clint had quickly convinced him about the relative lack of risk, even before the debriefing for that first mission had been through, because Steve being a complete mother hen and wanting to protect everyone is something he can definitely see.  
Natasha's comments about Steve's warnings didn't exactly help, even if she never engages in talks against Steve and gets pissed if she hears anything against him... that isn't coming from her, that's it.

“The heat signature states that there is quite a lot of movement inside and that can't even see the bots,” Iron Man chips in. “Stay alert.”

Now, that's a bit worrying. It's not like Steve and Natasha agree on something often, even less about their definition of what's to fear on a mission. She leaves him on the roof, where the Quinjet will hover for the others to come down before Jarvis takes it away.

They come and the jet is gone in a blink, showing how they have become a special forces unit. One made of superheroes, completely impressive.

“Go!” Steve says, batting his hand like the good soldier he is.

“Three, two, one... Action!” Clint says, running to his corner while Widow goes down using a rope and Hulk roars free. Hulk, Steve, and he jump from the roof, running across the door and into a warehouse full of different kinds of lackeys. There is people, there are robots, there are some weird slug like droids.

Luckily for them, most of the bots aren't completely active yet because their attack hasn't been detected yet and they can smash them rapidly, sneaking into the building in a blink. Not so luckily for them, there are also a lot of humans going against them and while they are hiding away from Hulk but showing no restraint against Widow, Steve, and him.

It's hard, knowing that the person in front of him is, indeed, simply a person and that if he hits too hard he will have another death on his toll. That is too harsh on him but he starts getting over his feelings quickly enough when one of the lackeys shoots a bullet that explodes against his shoulder, scorching his face.

Then it's them against the world, the unengaged lackeys activating the bots that were hidden inside. The place is really swarming with bots being turned on and machines coming back to life and he almost feels the need to call for Iron Man, but a lot of them are going through the windows and it's clear that she must be as busy as they are inside, if not busier.

“Big guy, stop throwin' 'em out the window, I am not a binman, my dear!” Iron Man chuckles, because chuckling is what she does unless the battle is lost.

“Hulk has no place for them inside! Hulk smashes petty robots to bits or throws them outside for tin woman! Hulks knows she likes them!” The beast roars in happiness, making Natasha laugh again.

“Okay, buddy, I'll kick their asses for you!”

Hulk roars his agreement. With Hulk smashing the robots, they have a better chance of looking around and evaluating the situation.

The warehouse has only one room inside and they are quick to label it as the commander's room, as they chat through the comms. It's the only visible door in the building, so whatever they are hiding, it must be inside. That makes Widow and Steve fixated on it, trying their best to trespass the door to that room, ready to hack the information on the computers that may explain the whole operation.

Widow is the first to cross the door, Bucky following her closely. He'd rather not lose the Widow, both Steve and Hulk can defend themselves better. Even if it is just because they have a superhuman strength and a quick regeneration rate while Widow doesn't. And as much as he loathes their shared past, he can't leave her unprotected. She meant the world for him once. The beautiful, deadly, and intelligent spy. She is better than them at using non-lethal force against their enemies, but he fears that she will get hit by them.

It's good that he's following her, because as soon as they get into the room, it is swarming with the lackeys that try to get a hit on her while she is trying to hack the computers. They are trying to break in from every point, going as far as shouting through the walls, trying to open a new passage, and Widow is asking Natasha about a procedure so she's definitely not in any condition to fight while she is trying to take all the information with her.

A sudden, hard and loud laughter is heard in the warehouse.

Bucky jumps on his feet to see what is going on, just enough to glimpse a woman standing on top of one of the belt conveyors of the warehouse, a group of well armed men around her. She has long dark hair, and she wears dark clothes and a cape. Is that green? She looks weirdly familiar.

He punches his way through the door, not quite caring about the lackeys at this point, trying to get a good view of her... she feels more dangerous than anything else, he has to stop her. He hasn't even walked a couple of meters before she...she shoots something at Steve, the one who was closer to her. And Steve... Steve falls down.

His shield falls down from his hands, he drops like he is dead. Bucky's eyes are focused on Steve, enough to see that he is breathing, that there are signs of life but...

The armed men quickly grab him, taking him before the woman. She turns on her feet and starts walking off, somewhere towards the door, the men carrying Steve running behind her.

The robots that Steve was fighting turns to him, stopping him completely in his tracks. They are coming from everywhere and he can't... he can't see... he fights them absent-mindedly, trying to find Steve again, to no avail.

When Widow comes out the door, the men carrying Steve are already gone. Their enemies are down, Hulk and he stopped most of them. He has no idea where Steve has gone and it's all his fault. If only he had been... faster...

He screams and falls to his knees, crying like he had never done before.

–

Widow has to take him from the floor, helping him to walk. His eyes are red and it stings to keep them open. He is carrying Steve's shield. Barton and Natasha go down to the door, ready to answer before Widow stops them with a shake of her head. Hulk is following them, after some coaxing from Widow to get him to move as well.

Hulk comes back to being Bruce in the jet, peacefully. Everything is too quiet. There is no celebration. There's nothing to celebrate, as the shield between his hands is clearly a reminder to everyone. Widow sits in the jet, starting the engine.

“Where the fuck is Cap?” Natasha asks at last, when they are finally into the Quinjet. She is staring at Widow, her body balanced towards the other, as trying to protect him from everything by keeping him out of the conversation.

“He has been taken,” Widow answers, looking down.

“And why on hell are we leaving?” Natasha shouts, strutting towards Widow, as if getting ready to hit her.

“We don't know anything. Nor who took him, nor where he has gone, nor how they escaped under our noses. We need intel, Stark. We can't hit our heads against the walls until something falls down! Not if we want Steve back!” Widow bites back, standing up to face Natasha.

Barton, who was looking down quietly stands up as well. “Stark, we need to visit SHIELD. They'll give us something to get us closer to Steve. To get him back.”

Stark looks at the two of them, looking then at the sleeping Bruce and, last, at him. She seems to decide that it's her against the world, because she rolls her eyes, trying to keep her face blank even though it's obvious that she's angry. The worst thing is her silence – something usually so scarce that makes it even a scarier on Natasha.

She sits in the back of the Quinjet, hitting the door as she goes in.


	5. Debriefing

They stay still in their places on the Quinjet, Natasha nowhere to be seen, even if Jarvis tells them that she is in the plane and convinces them to let her have space to breathe when he wants to go and check up on her. By the time Bruce wakes up, Barton gets closer to him and tells him what happened in some hurried whispers that Bucky pays no heed to. He can't allow himself to think about it again, he can't accept that he has lost Steve.

He is still gripping the shield. His mind can't stop replaying how Steve fell down, like hit by a thunder. Like a rag doll. He used all his tears back at the warehouse when he realized that Steve wasn't coming back on his own and that he lost him and now his eyes feel dry and dirty.

He doesn't know how Steve could survive when he was taken by Zola, because he feels his heart shattering with every breath he takes.

He has to find Steve again. Even if it's the last thing he does.

–

The jet lands at SHIELD's headquarters and they slowly get off the plane. No one is smiling. No one is joking, as they always do.

Natasha is the last one to leave it, her face still completely blank. Seeing her detached like this is weird. Uncomfortable. It really hurts his feelings.

Fury is waiting for them downstairs and quickly ushers them into a room, Hill walking behind Fury. He drops the shield on the top of the table, looking down at it while the inevitable starts.

“What happened? How could some motherfucker take our Captain America?” Fury is scowling, when he looks up, because no one is answering his question. Before Fury shouts again, he starts talking, taking the responsibility, given that he failed at everything else.

“We went into mission as usual, following Steve's orders. Barton and Stark were outside, controlling the access to the warehouse and the perimeter, respectively. Steve, Hulk, Widow, and I entered the warehouse to get the information. We were attacked both by human beings and robots. Steve and Hulk battled the robots, giving Widow and I time to reach the commander's room and hack into the computer.” He pauses then, gulping down the guilt that he's feeling. “Then I hear a weird noise, laughter like, and I came out of the room. Steve was fighting close to the source of the noise. A woman of unknown origin hit him with a dart loaded with something and he fell down, like a rag doll. Poison, probably. He was still breathing, struggling to do so but still doing it as they were taking him out.”

“And who was that woman, why has no one of you gone after them?” Fury asks, making a fist over the table.

“They left the premises before the fight was over, we couldn't do anything.” Widow takes his spot as the one doing the talk, probably feeling that he is about to break down crying again. “We need to gain some intel before going down there again.”

Natasha snorts at that, making everyone turn their heads to her.

“Anyone can describe the woman who took him?!” Fury shouts, deciding to ignore her.

“Woman, in her thirties, long dark hair that looked... kind of greenish. Caucasian. Pale. Wore dark clothes, greenish colour too.” Bucky answers, methodically, trying hard to ignore how much his voice is shaking. “Maniacal laughter. She shot something at Steve with a blowgun.”

Fury's face goes paler and he looks at all the others, like looking for a confirmation.

“None else saw her. Well, Hulk, perhaps.”

Bruce shakes his head and Fury nods, because clearly he knows the woman. “Madame Hydra. The Viper. She is... a mutant.”

A moment of silence follows the words, just to be followed by five people talking at once, interrupting the others and making it impossible to follow the conversations, even almost too difficult to identify the voices. He closes his eyes, resting his forehead over his arms, trying to shut down all the noise.

“ _Shall we give a call to Xavier?”_

“ _Aw, fuck, mutants.”_

“ _Yes, we need to get Professor Xavier on board.”_

“ _Mutaaaants.”_

“No,” Fury answers, his voice rising above the others. “We cannot involve professor Xavier until we are sure of what happened and that another mutant is involved.”

“ _Oh, so it's fine for them to call us but they can't help when our leader is...”_

“ _They have other queries...”_

“ _But this, this should have everyone on their toes trying to...”_

“ _Plus, it's one of theirs!”_

“ _You don't know that, not until you identify the motherfucker who took Steve under your guard...”_

“ _It was a mission, could've happened to anyone...”_

“ _But it happened to you...”_

“Silence!” Bucky yells before he opens his eyes, effectively quieting everyone. Even Fury stops talking, looking at him like it was the first time he saw him. “Much better.” He breathes out, “Now, stop blaming everyone and tell me where the fuck each and every one of you were when Steve...” He cuts himself right there. He can't really think about it in those terms.

They are still quiet, looking at Bucky like they just saw a ghost. Everyone but Stark, that's it. She wasn't talking before, she is so weirdly quiet. So he turns to Natasha as the first to question. “Stark.” He almost growls, surprising himself because he's usually better at staying calm. “Where were you?”

Her jaw is firmly set and her arms are crossed in front of her. “Doing my fucking job on the perimeter. I'm not Cap's nanny.”

He slams his hand on the table, startling everyone but only quieting Natasha. “Kidnapped, Stark! Fucking abducted from the scene! Didn't your Jarvis see anything?”

“If he had, he'd have spoken already. Jay needs no prompts to share the location of a member of the team in trouble, if he sees them. Whatever you are thinking about the answer is no, Barnes.” Her voice is cold, completely detached and it hurts.

“Fine. Barton?” He turns his body to Clint's position but still holds his gaze on Natasha. Not that she looks at him. At all. She is looking at the table with a thousands mile stare. Like she was replaying the actions on her mind.

“Saw nothing from the corner of the warehouse over the exit. They didn't bring Steve out of that door, I didn't lose sight of it during the attack, I can guarantee that.”

He nods “Widow?” He keeps being totally unable to refer to her as Natasha, and the Romanov's surname makes him remember way less pleasant moments.

“I was engaged in the commander's room.” She answers, cold and methodical but not detached at all. Both Natashas right now are in the two ends of the detachment spectrum. “Captain was extracted from a point I couldn't see from the inside, and then I couldn't follow them or find any clues.”

“Banner?”

Bruce shrugs his shoulders so slowly, looking deeply apologetic. “I don't know anything. The other guy didn't find the event interesting. He was engaged with the bots.”

“Thanks anyway. As for me, as I said before, I was fighting next to the door and I can confirm what Barton said – they didn't leave through the door. I couldn't see where did they take him but the path they were taking was far from the door. We gotta go back and look for alternative exits. Stark had the perimeter, so...”

Now Natasha does look at him for a spare second, a fierce but... hurt gaze before she stands up and leaves the room, none really calling after her, not even after she mutters a “Fuck y'all.” which is loud enough to be heard by every one of them. And as much as he'd love to follow her and try to understand what's going on with her, he has no time to go tiptoeing around her feelings, no time to chase her down and ask her what the hell is so wrong... damn this, Steve is missing.

“If nothing left the perimeter, then it must be a tunnel,” Romanov adds, trying to bring the focus back to the topic. “Or the sewers. We need the map of the sewers around the warehouse, Director.”

“I'll send them to you ASAP.” Hill says, already working on it from a tablet.

“We also need other kinds of information,” Bucky says, looking at Fury. His demeanour must have changed, because he feels like he was made of stone now, completely focused and decided.

“SHIELD's complete intel is at your disposal, we need to find Captain Rogers as soon as possible, guys.”

“Thanks, Director,” Widow answers, maybe she is feeling his inner resolve and wants to stop him before he says something that can be dangerous for himself or for all of them.

“I need more than SHIELD's intel, Fury. I need a total promise from you and SHIELD to help us.” Bucky is talking directly to Fury, doing his best to ignore the curious gazes from his teammates, because he is the newest one at the team and he is making the decisions without consulting any of them. “If we say we need to talk to whomever, don't make it all a fucking bureaucratic issue. Pass our calls through or I'll pass through your systems and ranges. Nothing will stop me from getting Steve back, not even you.”

Fury's face pales a bit, perhaps thinking now about everything he could do, which is a lot. He has been a spy and an assassin for the last seventy-five years, he is an expert at tracking down people and even bringing down governments. He has been the fist of Hydra, even if he didn't know a lot of what he was doing at the time.

Or maybe he is remembering the same thing Bucky remembers. How Steve burst into a Hydra's base-camp during the World War II just to get his brother back. Just to get Bucky back, even if he came back with the other 300 prisoners of war that had been declared dead. Fury is too young to remember, but surely someone must have told him how Bucky and Steve would do anything to protect each other.

And even if Bucky just failed, he won't allow them to hide anything from him. Not if they want to make him stay in the fight against _evil._ Nothing could be worse than an organization not helping him to get Steve back, anyway.

“I promise, Barnes, that I will do whatever I can to get Rogers back. Every resource I can use is yours, at any time of the day or the night.” Fury offers his hand and Bucky quickly shakes it, as if he was closing the agreement he needed to get Steve back.

“That's all I asked for. Now, I need to talk to the team. Alone.”

Fury and Hill scramble out of the room, and it should be hilarious because SHIELD's Director has left the premise under his orders but he's too shocked to see how funny it is.

“We have to find Steve,” he says, looking at all of them. “If any of you has another priority, I need you to either change your mind or leave the team right now.” None answers to that and he nods to himself. “Good, then. Any of you ever fought Madame Hydra?”

“I heard she was one of the big commanders of Hydra, but I've never encountered her,” Widow answers. “Few people has and lived to tell about it.”

“You think SHIELD has anything on her?” he asks, getting even more anxious with that answer. He needs to know whether Viper would take anyone, if it was pure luck that she got Steve or if this was something schemed to get him.

Widow shakes her head. “I don't know, Buck. I'll do all I can to trace her.”

“Fine.” He pauses, looking at all of them. “We have to go back to the warehouse. We need to see if we can find anything that we might have missed before the trail is too cold.”

They are back in the Quinjet in less than half an hour, caffeinated and ready to stay awake through the night. Another two jets leave with them, full of SHIELD's agents.

–

The night passes by.

There is no news about Steve, they find nothing back at the warehouse, nor in the sewers or the walls. There's no way the squad could have left the building.

Natasha, or one of her suits, is going around trying to find clues but she is completely quiet. It's not that she isn't talking, she isn't even answering to the comms, until they eventually stop trying to include her in the conversation as the day passes. He finds no opportunity to talk to her, she squirms away every time he comes close.

That makes him believe that it's her in the suit. And it hurts, because it's Natasha avoiding him like he was the plague.

Even with all the help of the agents of SHIELD, they get nothing on Steve's whereabouts. It's like he had vanished into thin air.

Bucky feels himself vanish with Steve as they leave the warehouse again.

At least, his hope vanishes.


	6. Terra Incognita

Another day passes by. And then, another.

Widow and Hawkeye are pulling on all the strings, calling all their old contacts, trying to extract every bit of information that SHIELD could have on Viper, but it's next to nothing, and neither of them have ever been on a mission that involved her.

Almost no one has, just like Widow told them at the debriefing, and none of them are SHIELD's agents. The clues they do find are scarce and sparse between, too small to give them any hope.

They call to the people who has encountered Viper and they even get a brief visit from Nightcrawler to talk about her relation to the mutant's community, but they don't have much luck with that.

The only thing that keeps them fighting is the need to find Steve but the whole Tower, that usually was so full of sounds, now looks empty and dead. It's not like they have stopped doing stuff, not at all, it's not like they have stopped looking for Steve, but what they have stopped doing completely is socializing between them. They barely eat, and it's never together. There are no laughs. It's like they were grieving a lose, fearing for the worse.

It seems that the Viper is a deadly and quiet villain who doesn't brag about her plans and doesn't leave any traces behind, and she has no relationship with the other mutants.

Every thread is a loose end. They can't tie her down to anything, they can't find anything that would lead them to a place, or even to a country, not even in a previous time – she doesn't seem to prefer one country over another, a fight over another, she is just one of Hydra's most loyal goons.

Just a couple of days are gone before he is faced with Russian files from the Red Room and some late reports from Hydra over Viper – somewhere around the 80's. Widow hacked them trying to find any association with currently alive villains but it was all in vain.

The Red Room knew her as just a name, no more than a whisper from the enemies they captured on the front, no more than a myth. The woman who survives any poison, the woman who poisons her enemies at her free will – be it to kill, to maim, or to stop them. There's a report about a truth serum and other things that could be potentially dangerous even to Steve and his super-serum. It's not like they didn't know that she is dangerous for Steve, she took him from the battlefield without any kind of trouble... but it's horrible to read that things _could_ be worse for Steve.

Hydra, however... they knew her well, but _someone_ had deleted everything about her on their files. Her name appears at the highest circles of Hydra, but he never saw her... he doesn't recall seeing her, more exactly.

One of his own reports shows that the Winter Soldier was once an asset in the Viper's Nest, just as deadly as her. He can't remember anything about that and for the first time he feels absolutely upset and devastated about not being able to remember the things Hydra made him do, his time as Hydra's fist, because if he did they'd have a lot more information.

What if she manages to truly hurt Steve? What is she manages to kill him? What will he do, if he loses Steve? What if Steve could be saved, just by making him remember?

And if the _what if_ 's are important, even more so are the _why_ 's. Why is she striking at them? Why Steve? Is she after the serum's formula?

Did she... just want to break them?

If that is what she wanted, it's kind of working.

Yes, maybe all of them are working together – all of them but Natasha –. Bruce swears that she is working hard on her own, trying to follow the threads around the Viper, but she never comes to the common floor to talk to them about what she has or what she doesn't.

The most they get is Jarvis patching her through the building and ensuring them that she's alive and fine. When she talks, it's like they are giving them the bullet points of their investigation, for her to evaluate, and it never goes well.

_Viper either is able to teleport or she has some magical allies to take her out of the warehouse._

_The bots at the field were like Dr. Doom's bots, that indicates that they are working together._

_Dr. Doom's residence at Latveria would be a good point to start looking for Steve._

She disagrees with everything. The inner workings of the bots are really different from Dr. Doom's ones. Going to Latveria right now, without any clue, would be starting a war – not like she cares – but they'd also be starting it on a false premise. ' _But, hey, feel free to ignore me, you all can start WWIII, for all I care_ '.

She is sure they missed some key point at the warehouse, something that would give them the answer. She is studying the files that Widow extracted from the computers there and she'll get in touch with them when she has the answer.

He has no doubts that Natasha will be the one finding the answers that they need but he also wishes he could go in with her and help her, and he also wishes he could ask her for help to remember his own memories. Mainly, he is terribly worried because she is still avoiding him.

Not so much avoiding as outright keeping him out off limits. It's not like she is making flimsy excuses, as she does when she doesn't want anyone at the workshop, it's that the door is firmly locked, not open and inviting as it always has.

' _Perhaps you can try at another moment, she is busy tracking Steve_ ', is what everyone else says when he expresses his worries about Natasha. They tell him how she becomes obsessed and nothing he could probably say could make her change her course, not until everything is solved. ' _Her brain is wired in a different way than ours,_ ' Clint says, while eating the food that _her_ money provided, sitting in the living space that _she_ gave them and totally dismissing the person they should be worshipping.

The team has given up so easily on her that he wants to punch them, because they are allowing her to live as a recluse in her workshop, not going out for anything, not even to sleep or eat. And as much as he knows that she has food and a couch big enough for sleeping comfortably, he is so worried for her that it's beginning to eat him alive, almost in the same way that Steve's disappearance does.

He craves to hug her, to pull her close and to tell her that it's not her fault, that the fault is all his, that Steve disappeared under his gaze and...

And he can't lose himself to that kind of feelings, not now, not again. He is very disappointed with the team, though. For all they know, she hasn't eaten or slept in three days. They don't ask, they don't seem to be even slightly worried about her.

He has asked Jarvis about it, and the AI is quite clear on that – ' _Mistress does not wish to meet anyone right now, Mr. Barnes, you can leave a message if you would like to._ '. He almost can hear the disapproval in Jarvis' voice, but he doesn't know whom he is disappointed with. Is it Natasha? Is it him? Because he is pretty disappointed with himself. Almost too much to function.

He is frozen in front of the door and about to storm into the workshop, even if he has to go through the vents or if he has to break some windows, when Clint calls him. They have found a tiny but pretty important thing that should be looked into.

–

The tiny thing is not tiny at all, because he spends the rest of his evening giving enough blood samples to sort between all kind of poisons known to SHIELD – and that's a lot –, trying to see which of them is able to react with his blood – as that should narrow down the poisons that would work on Steve, and perhaps they can take an antidote before heading into battle against them.

It's not like the version of the serum present in his blood is a pure as Steve's, so perhaps they are getting it all wrong, but it never hurts to be ready for some things. Well, it does hurt, _right now_ , because his arm looks like a sieve when their tests are over – all red and full of holes.

Though, they have narrowed it down to six different kinds of poison, all closely related to the others, the only poisons that can break through their blood cells and make a super soldier drop like the dead. And all the others drop dead in a second, if the tests on the spider and Clint's blood are to be taken as the normal situation for humans.

It's not what he wanted to find out today, and it's something that should be worrying him more than it does, but it's something interesting. At least, ~~_if_~~... when they find Steve, they can save him, they wake him up. They can bring him home... if the woman hasn't poisoned him any further with the help of the first poison, because that kind of poison would be enough to take all the advanced healing and turn him into a normal person, vulnerable to everything else. Oh. And if she doesn't poison any other of them, because well, they'd kind of die. Save for Hulk and himself.

Their only hope is that Viper might not find out that she has neutralized the super-serum and turned Steve into a regular person for the time being.  
–

A week passes by. The Tower goes from still and silent to roaring, everyone running around trying to find any clue, trying to pull any thread.

Voices shout all over the others, some of them trying to make sense, trying to be the ones who find Steve; the others simply voicing their theories and their lack of faith. Their common efforts, however, are totally frantic and even Widow loses her privileged perspective, falling down to kicking the walls as all the others are doing.

Their emotional reserves are down, they have no one to talk to about this, because all the others are as broken as they are. There's not even one of the SHIELD's informants that haven't been contacted yet. They haven't made an official release but it seems that everyone knows by now that Steve is gone.

They fail.

They still gotta keep trying.

–

He doesn't see her again until the first lead from Fury arrives and they assemble to deal with one of the fortresses of Hydra in Europe, a week and a half later.

She is terribly good at hiding herself and she has Jarvis on her side so it's basically impossible to find her before they are ready to go on mission. It's not like they didn't know where she was, it's that it was impossible to enter the workshop without her leaving five seconds before anyone could enter.

She has gone so hard into hiding that it'd be funny if they all weren't about to go into hysterics because Steve is missing. Any normal time, he'd be all for trying to ambush her somewhere, a smile on his face, but it's not the time or the place.

On more than one occasion during the last week he has considered calling Bruce to join him, just to trap her somewhere... if she thinks his intentions are innocent (and they are but not in that sense) then she can't hide. He doesn't call Bruce, he never really would because that'd be shaming Natasha... and that's not the right way to apologize.

He really wants to apologize. Because now that the thoughts settled in his head, he can see how... potentially damaging the situation could be for Natasha – they are really close, they are friends, he knows that she can be a really fragile woman – and he treated her... just like she was not important to him. He should have been more careful, he shouldn't have snapped at her just because she was being rational while he was hurting – but he was hurting too deeply to care for anyone but himself, self consumed in pity and worry, and she was _way too rational_ in that moment.

She keeps being stoic. All the others have showed their emotions at one point or another but she has remained _functional_ and _rational_... and he's not sure when he started using that words as something negative. He shouldn't have done it, not even if the words haven't left his mouth, but he is _missing_ Steve like his heart had been torn apart and his life has been turned upside down. Nothing in himself is rational any more.

Hell, yes, he misses Steve, yes, but he needs someone else almost as much, he needs Natasha to be the voice of his reason, she is the only one who could calm him down and tell him that everything will be fine – that she has evaluated all the possible results of their actions and he has chosen the best. It's not a happy thought. It's a very selfish one. And it's his own fault that he lost both of his pillars at the same time.

If he is drowning, then that is exactly what he deserves. But he can't break down _right_ _now,_ he can't fall apart while the team needs him.

The Avengers assemble at the roof, as usual, even if they are missing Captain America, and Natasha comes out wearing her Iron Man's suit. She hasn't been at the meetings. Sam wanted to come with them, but Bucky managed to convince him to stay in case something happens in New York, because they'll be hours apart from the States, even before he knew if Natasha would actually come or not.

Natasha joins them, yes, but she doesn't go into the Quinjet, she insists on travelling on her own in her suit. It has an automatic driving system (Jarvis is her co-pilot) and it's more comfortable than anything else, definitely better than a plane – it's not true and everyone knows it even if they don't say a word –. She can communicate through the comms, if they need her. No, she definitely won't go in the plane, they better leave now or stay there forever. Whatever they try to tell her, she bounces it off, so they finally go inside the plane.

Bucky steps in last. “Be careful, Natasha,” he tells her, his voice too full of emotions that he can't really understand, even if it's his own voice, his own body, and his own emotions.

She makes a tsk sound that would have been taken as a mechanical hum by anyone but him, before she turns on her repulsors and leaves the roof.

He's not sure what to do about it as he boards the jet, ready for the long hours before they reach Europe. Fast as they are, it'll take them at least three hours to arrive to the Black Forest, and that only if they can fly high enough to reach the supersonic speed.

He sits down in his usual spot, Steve's remaining empty. Bruce and Clint are minding their own business and Widow is piloting. He places both his hands on the back of his neck, his head tilted down – he could look like he had fallen asleep in that uncomfortable position to anyone... to anyone but the group of superheroes in front of him, probably. Such a boy band, really.

–

The first thing he notices when they reach Germany is that there's a general lack of purpose and meaning in their movements, like they are all trying to take in the fact of Steve not giving them the last details – it's not like they need the details, they are all grown ups who have battled on their own for years, but it's what they are used to now.

The fortress is just a small, old castle on the top of a hill. They have seen many like this one before, and they are never what they look like. Basements, tunnels, and even fucking magical dungeons. He is sure than one of these days, they will find actual dragons.

Natasha is waiting for them and that's something dangerous as well. She's not the kind to sit down before she has fucked up something so badly that it got torn down.

“You know why we are here, guys. Find anything about Steve, we need to know who has him and where he is.” He is standing up in front of all of them and it's not like he can avoid looking at Natasha longer than he looks at all the others. “Be careful. Don't do anything that would make Steve scold you, he wouldn't be happy if we rescue him only to find that half his friends died trying to save him.”

Hawkeye pats his shoulder, smiling at him while he nods. “Don't worry, Sergeant, we'll be careful.”

“We'll storm in. They aren't expecting us. Stark and Banner, you head in first and open the line for us,” he continues, knowing that as much as he'd want to be the one in the front line, there's no way for him to get through the security, other than doing stuff that could be potentially dangerous for Steve, if he is inside those walls. “We'll follow right behind you and have your back, so worry just about clearing the path.”

Bruce nods and Iron Man stands up. That's gotta count as agreement.

They quickly approach the castle, Natasha blowing up one of the lower walls to sneak directly into the common routes to basements (away from the main door, leaning on the riff of the hill or mountain, if there's any; Jarvis knows a lot about that stuff and it's him who calculated the route). It does look like a regular movement against Hydra, like the ones they do when Thor comes back to Earth looking for his brother's sceptre.

It feels very different, though.

As soon as Natasha and Bruce go inside, a legion of soldiers fall upon them, coming from the higher story, storming upon them like they had been waiting for them.

“Retreat! Iron Man, Hulk, retreat!” he shouts, as soon as the soldiers surround them.

“There's a room!” Natasha shouts into the comms, sounding like she was fighting a thousand people. He can't see her, he has lost visual on Natasha and Bruce. His heart feels like it will beat out of his chest and he wants to scream, but he has to keep fighting, he has to give them a chance to get back. “I've gotta check it!”

Hulk appears in the hole of the wall, punching people in and out, taking them out of his way. He tries to sneak past Hulk, but Hulk grabs him like he's a doll and throws him back with the others, clearly unwilling to let any other in. If outside is bad, inside it's a true madness. He catches a glimpse of the Iron Man armour getting through a door, though.

“Natasha!” he shouts again, desperate. “Come out, we are losing the ground here, we can't wait!”

She doesn't answer.

The soldiers are too many and they are slowly and unwillingly retreating to the plane.

“Natasha, you need to go out, now!”

She doesn't answer and they are reaching a point where they can do nothing to help her. His mind seem to be replaying the scenes in slow motion, and he's trying so hard to find any fissure in Hydra's defence, something that will allow him to get to Natasha in time, to rescue her.

He feels like dying because he can't lose her, not now, _not ever_ , when he sees an explosion in the background and Iron Man comes out and flies until it is out of reach.

“Leading back to the tower, I fear Mistress Stark is unconscious after the explosion.” Jarvis' voice invades the comms “But she'll be fine, there have been no injuries.”

“Let's go,” Widow orders, taking them to their plane, quickly following the Iron Man suit.


	7. Here be dragons

Bucky follows Natasha around the tower, so _happy_ to have a working code to follow her behind every door. It's wrong to use the word happy, he should really use the more precise combination of words ' _maniacally pleased_ ' because he feels like he's holding in a fit of laughter every time that a door opens. And he knows that the doors are opening only because Jarvis is upset at Natasha, for having gotten knocked out in the mission.

When he finally catches her, his mind goes sharp into a primal level, so much that he doesn't really process the pack of ice on her shoulder or how she limps whenever she takes a step.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he yells, slamming his left hand to the wall next to Stark, trapping her between his body and the wall, crowding closer to immobilize her completely. If she escapes now, it's likely that he won't see her again... either literally because she'll keep running from everyone and figuratively because his own view on Natasha as the leader of the new world is threatening to fall. “We have no time for bullshit, obey your fucking orders, Stark!”

“I am not a fucking soldier, how many times I have to say it?!” She leans on her tiptoes, trying to get on an eye on eye level with him. She is failing. It would be adorable, if only he didn't want to push her back to her place or punch her in the face because she almost died on him.

“I don't give a fuck, we were on a mission, you obey or you can get killed! Or even worse, you can get someone killed because you aren't where you should!” He groans and uses his whole height to crowd her. “If I tell you to retreat, you stop what you are doing and go out!”

She grits her jaw, looking at him angrily, every movement of her body screams in fury.

He looks down on her, trying to collect himself but failing miserably, he can only find his rage and disappointment and they are almost breaking his voice when he mutters between his teeth an, “I needed you there.” It's an uncomfortable thought to recognize.

The pause is too long, too awkward and Natasha seems about to snap, she seems about to hit his face and flee from his sight.

“I need you, Natasha. I thought you had died when you didn't answer,” he continues, feeling himself breaking down behind the carefully constructed charade that he has been keeping up for everyone's sake. “I can't do this if you are against me. _I can't_. The shoes to step into are way too big for me. Please, do it for Steve, if you won't do it for me.” He leans his head down, suddenly so tired that he has to close his eyes and if he didn't have his hand on the walls, he'd have fallen to his knees. A small sigh escapes through his lips. He is destroyed, he's tired, he's about to start crying. He can't understand why is Natasha doing _this_ to him. Can't, at all.

The small silence makes him open his eyes and he finds Natasha looking into his eyes for the first time during the week. They are awfully close, their faces no more than a couple of centimetres apart. Any other situation, he'd be thinking how cute Natasha is. Today... damn everything because she has nearly killed herself and ripped apart his heart with her behaviour.

She nods at last, subtle but unmistakable gesture, and a couple of tears fall freely from his eyes. He can't bring himself to care about crying in front of her, because she maybe can understand something that he hasn't found a way to put in words yet.

She touches his face, wiping away his tears but the tip of her fingers remain on his cheeks, brushing patterns on his skin. It is so relaxing that he ends resting his forehead against hers.

Her scent is intoxicating.

It is fresh with a gentle fruity (is that coconut?) undertone and there is also a slightly musky tone from the activities they have engaged in earlier. Even into a conditioned suit, she sweated like the rest of them. Her skin is warm and soft, even if her fingertips are calloused.

It happens when she brushes her fingers under his eyes and he opens them again to find her smiling softly. She leans in, and he can't do anything, he doesn't even understand the meaning of the movement until she kisses him, tenderly and chastely, brushing her lips against his, like it meant the world to her.

No one has ever kissed him like that, so sweetly, not even in the forties when the girls he hung out with had barely received their first kiss.

He is melting. Truly melting, his arms coming down to wrap them lightly around her small waist. “N...”

He can only pronounce the n before she is kissing him again, harder this time, fisting her hands in his hair and this kiss is so Natasha that he can't help but moan into the kiss, pulling back so slightly. She doesn't allow him to pull back, she wraps her hands tighter and kisses him harder.

Each of her movements are hard and fast... she doesn't really get naked or gets him naked, she simply pushes the bulky clothes away before a hand gets wrapped around his dick, making him shiver with need. It's way too long since the last time he had any sex and his brain has gone into short-circuit, he can't think about anything but the need pooling in his stomach and his blood pooling somewhere else. That hand does devious things to him, fingers teasing and clever, it's almost like she knows every small technique that will make him pliant but terribly hard.

“C'mon, Buck, you know you want it,” she whispers against his ear, her breath teasing his earlobe, and he has never heard something as hot as her voice.

“Yeah, I do,” he answers, his hands going to her back, cupping her ass like they were autonomous, lifting her off the ground to allow her to wrap her legs around his waist, and he is pressing her against the wall a second later, fucking her like his life depended on it.

It's fast, it's easy, it's not pretty but it's terribly effective, he can feel her going over the edge right before he does, taking his time to get down off the high. When he does, he wraps both his arms around her, kissing her softly, trying to make her understand how much he cares for her.

And it's then when she pulls back from his embrace, looking deeply surprised. She opens her mouth in a perfect circle and then skips out of his arm's reach, running towards the door and fleeing the room as she pulls her clothes back in place.

"Wait, Natasha..." But it's already way too late for her to hear it.

–

And again, he can't find her.

The night passes by and the next morning he is so wired up and so upset about everything that he crashes in the common room, throwing himself over the back of the couch to hide his face between the cushions. And he would have stayed there until he rooted, if it wasn't because Sam was sitting right in front of that couch and looks at him with an ' _are you serious, or even okay, man?_ ' face.

“I need to go out. Are you available, Sam?” he asks, trying to act nonchalant even after the stunt with the couch, because he knows that Jarvis is everywhere, and recording, although Jarvis doesn't usually pay any attention to whatever they are doing.

“Yes,” Sam pats his arm, looking into his eyes before nodding briefly. “Yes, let's go.”

Sam looks like hell, like he probably needs the air more than him. There are bags under his eyes and all his nails seem to have been bitten really thoroughly. They leave the tower in absolute silence – like they always do since Steve disappeared. Just like thieves in the night. They all are tense, silent and ready to bite each other's heads off.

It's not before they arrive at a coffee shop and the waiter has taken their orders that Bucky starts talking, still trying to order his thoughts.

“I need you to promise me you won't tell a word of this to anyone,” he says, playing with a sugar packet that he won't really use.

“Do you know anything about Steve?” Is the answer he gets, in the form of an excited cry from Sam.

“No, no.” He sighs, dropping the packet and hiding his face behind his hands. “If I knew anything about Stevie, I wouldn't be sitting here. He risked everything to save me. Twice.” Sam actually pats his arm again, resting his hand on his shoulder and squeezing lightly until Bucky keeps talking. “No. It's another thing. I need that promise though. Whatever happens, you can't tell anyone.”

“It's fine, Buck, you can trust me.”

“I... Natasha... She...” He is stuttering even in his thoughts, something that had never really happened before.

“Which one, Bucky?”

“Which, what?” he asks stupidly, while his brain makes the connection between the question and the answer. “Oh, Stark. Not the little spider. If it was the little spider the person whom I had made upset, I'd be dead already.”

Sam nods, like he knew that to be true. Well, Romanov is scary for everyone.

“Natasha and I... after the battle last night, she kinda... I don't know, really.” He shakes his head to Sam's annoyance, because it's clear on his face that Sam doesn't know, either and he's getting worried about Bucky's non-descriptions. “We had sex, okay?! Haven't spoken with her since, she is hiding inside the tower. Wherever I go, she disappeared five seconds ago, or so Jarvis tells me.”

“What?”

“Yes. We were at each other's throats and somehow that went literal and the discussion ended up against... the... wall.” He can feel that his ears are red and he wants to hide somewhere. There is a nice closet at the end of the room, actually, he might have to run there in a moment.

“But you two... never... before?” Sam is blinking. He looks like he is really surprised. There's something he doesn't really understand in this whole conversation.

“What?” But then he realizes what Sam said... “No, no, never! It was not like that. No.”

“Half the team thought you two were together,” Sam assures him and it's not comforting.

He hides his face behind his hands again, muttering a, “Wow.”

“Actually, only Steve defended that your relationship with Natasha was purely friendly.”

He simply runs a hand through his hair, staring at the horizon rather than looking at Sam. So everyone thought that he and Natasha had a physical relationship... so misguided. Not like he wouldn't have wanted that because yes, she is incredibly cute and charming... but he would never offer her something permanent, because he isn't sure of himself, and anything less than that total compromise and dedication sounds like an insult towards her. Natasha should be treated like a queen, that's why he is so distraught about the whole affair.

That and because he messed it up badly, somehow, why would she run if he hadn't?

“Tell me a bit about your relationship with her.” Sam sounds calm and collected now, like he's actually trying to make sense. “She does things with you she doesn't do with anyone else.”

“Try having a metal arm.” He snickers. “Then she'll pay attention to you.”

“Not all the times you are down there have to do with your arm.” And Sam keeps making sense. He shouldn't be allowed to do that, not when it makes his head pound.

“No.” He recognizes. “Sometimes I sit down while she works, sometimes both of us sit with a bottle of vodka and share whispered secrets along the way, ready to disappear at the slightest sign of anyone entering the 'shop. Sometimes we are in silence, watching the hours pass. Sometimes she comes up and we watch some crap on TV, when we can't sleep at all.”

“And she sleeps with you, most of those times. That's why everyone thought that you two...” Sam drowns his coffee, leaving the cup he had been nursing on the table. “The fact is, she never does that with anyone. Either she tries to charm us into being useful to her or she is abrasive around us until we leave her alone. That's Stark to everyone but you. That is why we live at her house but no one calls her Natasha but you.”

He tries to speak, but no sound leaves his lips. He can't find any answer to that. It's true, of course it is, because he has seen her around Steve.

Sam sighs loudly and moves again to pat his back. “I don't know the woman you talk about, because I only know Stark's heir. Her persona but not herself.”

He remains silent and, eventually, Sam leaves him alone at the table after paying for their coffees and muttering an, “I'm sorry I can't help, mate. If you want to talk about it, I'll be at the Tower.” He can't think clearly and he doesn't want to move.

–

When he comes back to the tower and locks himself in the gym, punching the bag like it was his worst enemy. He feels good because the punches are so hard that they make his fingers hurt, and they are getting red and raw as the leather on the bags is getting battered and broken.

“You are distracted.” the little spider says, sneaking up on him from behind. He doesn't give her the satisfaction of jumping, but his senses go into the alert mode.

He sighs and nods, not moving at all from his spot in from of the bag.

“You can't fall apart now, Bucky,” she says, resting a hand on his right shoulder, like physical contact could help in this situation. Like it wasn't exactly that which was wrong with him right now.

“I'm not falling apart, little spider,” he answers, shimming away from her touch.

“Then what is going on,” she asks, moving until she is standing in front of him, her face showing that she is worried. It'd be more believable if he hadn't trained her. “Your expression is not about Steve.”

“It is not about Steve,” he agrees, nodding and moving to his left, still in front of the bag.

“Trust me, I can help you.”

“Can't tell.” He places his hand on the punching bag, holding it still. “It is not relevant to the case and you can't help me.”

“I know it's not relevant,” she leans to him trying to grab his shoulder to make him look at her, and he knows that it is because he has always been a really touch affective person, he needs to have contact to confess his _sins_. “But it's hurting you.”

“Because I am just human, little spider.”

There is a pause where she pulls back, eyeing him very carefully and when she finally scrunches her face, he knows that he can't hide anything from her.

“When did you fall in love?”

He just looks at her, and he knows that whatever is shining through his eyes must look a bit dead inside because she actually blinks. “Not your concern.”

“They know it?” she asks, acting cautiously again, following his movements.

“I. Don't. Want. To. Talk.” He punches the bag, trying to get away his frustration. So he's an open book for the wrong Natasha, or Natasha doesn't want to see that he loves her because she doesn't feel the same. How could she. Why would she have run away if she felt anything for him.

She grabs his wrist, however, so hard that his bones feel like grated together. “Tell her.”

“Fuck off, Widow.”

“You need to do it, before you two die.”

He simply looks at her, trying to discover what the hell that is supposed to mean, because he's not dying and neither is she. Or is she?

“Take a look on the mirror, Barnes,” she says calmly again, releasing his wrist. “You are suicidal and she's no better. I know her, too.”

“I said I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone!” He must sound like a five years old boy, he knows it. But the last week has been too much for him, he's extremely sensitive and all the people he trust keep making that feelings hurt more. It's not fair.

“That's what neither of you wants. You don't want to be alone and neither does she. Tell her, for God's sake.”

He throws a last punch that breaks the punch bag before shouting, “I would, if she would fucking talk to me!” and running out of the gym, running to lock himself in the now deserted Steve's floor.


	8. A matter of trust

He isn't sure how much time has passed when Jarvis' voice brings him out of his self imposed time out, poking his head out of the cocoon of blankets that he had buried himself in. Everything felt so cold during the night.

“Mistress Stark has called for a meeting with the team at five today, on the premises of checking her work line regarding Captain Rogers.”

Does that mean that she has _something?_ “Are you sure, Jarvis?” he stupidly asks, blinking up at one of the cameras.

“Yes, Mr Barnes, I am completely sure. Mistress has said so herself. She's getting ready the materials to show you.”

He stays on bed, looking up at the camera. It's a thousand miles stare, though, because he's only thinking about seeing Natasha later and his heart is racing in his chest. He will see Natasha and she has something about Steve, or else, she wouldn't call them.

“What time is it, Jarvis?”

“It's half past noon,” Jarvis answers, projecting a clock over his bed, including all the information about the date, enough to answer his next question without even having to voice it. “You have been in your room for seventeen hours, Mr Barnes.”

It makes him wonder how many times Jarvis has done this for Natasha, because the AI doesn't seem surprised at all by the situation.

He crawls out of the bed and goes to the shower, thinking about what can he tell Natasha. How can he tell her what she means to him, what she has always meant, how precious she is and how much he needs her.

–

By five, he has already eaten something and written a speech in his mind. It's beautiful. He has always had a good hand with words, Steve always told him that he had learnt to be passionate from all the speeches Bucky gave to him when they were younger.

When he arrives to the meeting room, he finds Sam waiting for him at the door. Widow and Hawkeye are already in the room, waiting. They are wearing their battle suits, like they were ready to run out whenever Natasha stops talking.

Something tells him that Bruce will come with Natasha because she'll have wanted to show him what she has before showing all the others. Bruce has been the only one included in her investigation, so he is quite sure about it.

No one is speaking, but they all sit down and start to stare at the others, all their faces showing how nervous and how curious they are about what Natasha has. They don't move, apart from looking at the door every five seconds.

“Mistress and Dr. Banner will come down in a minute,” Jarvis announces five minutes later.

Bruce enters the room first and sits down, but Natasha is wearing one of her tailored suits just like this was a boarding meeting or like she had run out of one to come to see them. Her hair is down and it looks slightly dirty just because it's not spiky as always. It shows that she usually puts a lot of effort into her hair, even if she would never admit it. She looks nervous. That's not good.

He leans his elbows on the table, tilting himself automatically to where Natasha is standing, without even noticing it.

“I have been preparing some visuals to try to explain you everything as I understand it, because according to Brucey there are some jumps in my reasoning that need to be shown more than explained,” she starts, tugging lightly the sleeve of her shirt.

“Thank you, Natasha,” Widow says softly, managing to sound so sincere.

“Yeah. So.” Despite not doing any movement, the first chart shows up. Jarvis must be trained to pick up every one of Natasha's movements or she has another way to control him. It is a file on Viper. “Seeing that we could find no link to any country or specific location from her victims, I decided to try something else. The poisons that killed her victims.”

The chart expands, showing different bodies, varying from purple to almost melted and she continues talking, explaining the different kinds. “It seemed like another empty thread at the beginning, but the thing is that she mixes her own poisons, or someone close to her does it for her. The ingredients must have something in common, something that could potentially link her to a location. The warehouse, it had pesticides. I made an inventory of the items in there after Steve was kidnapped.”

Several new charts open up, listing components from every poison and their mortality rate “As you can see, most of the poisons are based on this ingredient, because there is no antidote known. It's also one of the poisons that can damage someone who has super-serum in their blood, as proved with the data that you gave me.”

She stops talking and the charts begin to rearrange themselves, pulling out something about regulations and a world map. “Just so we are on the same page, it's something that is completely banned in most of the civilized countries, you can only buy it if you have a medical company and even then you must have an accountability for the products that you are creating, or if you have a plantation for it. This map shows the places where a plantation could naturally grow without problems, and I recognize that Latveria is a good country for that, but I don't think it's the place that we are looking for.”

Hawkeye begins to say something but Natasha rises a hand. “This is the part where Bruce said that you'd have to take a leap of faith. I even have some data to back it up, but it's really something that you'll have to believe, birdie.” She pulls another graph from the holographic folder. “Doom has been attacking with an almost statistical precision for the last three months and the pattern hasn't changed since Steve was taken. If I were Doom, and I ensure you that the man is intelligent enough to think the same way that I do on this, I would have attacked as soon as Steve was kidnapped. The only reasonable motive that I can think of for not doing so? He didn't know Steve had been captured.”

“I agree with her, to be honest,” Bruce says, holding his hands together over the table. “Doom is a genius but he has never worked with someone else against us. Robots aren't something exclusive to him.”

“I think that she's working alone. There's nothing in Viper's file that show that she has ever collaborated with someone but Hydra, and even her link with Hydra seems to be severed by the time that Pierce reached the leadership of it.”

“I think,” she continues, “that she has established herself somewhere near Latveria, just so everyone else will blame her movements on Doom if there is a robot or a plane where there shouldn't be anything. I think that her base is here.” She shows a new map, focusing on a much smaller zone. “And this is where Steve should be.”

“There is no proof for this, Natasha,” Widow says.

“Actually, this map isn't mine. That's why I have called you all for this meeting.”

“Where did you get it?” Sam asks, talking for the first time. He looks really excited, like he's the only one who really wants to believe Natasha.

“Yesterday I brought home this.” She takes something from one of her pockets, showing an hard disk that seems to have been ripped out of its place. “Hydra seems to be looking for her, as well.”

“So we are basing our investigation on Hydra?” he asks, slightly upset, because no one ever should trust Hydra on anything. He knows that.

“No.” She sighs. “This was a map of one of their resources providers, according to what I understood. They are dealing with poisons. Even if it wasn't Viper, there is a good chance of finding some link to her there.”

“We should include Fury here,” Widow says, leaning forward in her chair.

“Fine with me, Jay, call him,” Natasha quickly agrees, just like it was something she wanted to do.

–

When she stands up to leave the room after the call to Fury, he is already on his feet, ready to reach the door. She keeps walking ahead, without looking at him, without even acknowledging his presence next to her. She is carrying herself as she always does, head high and back straight, walking like the world belonged to her.

It's a pity he knows her so much that he can see it as the act it is. It's a terrible image and it breaks his heart. He walks next to her for a couple of corridors before calling her out.

“Natasha, won't you say anything?”

He has no words, though, when she stares at him and she's looking sheepish and so ashamed. He can't understand why is she acting like that, even if he can read her act perfectly.

He had this beautiful speech all well thought out and noted down in his mind but then he sees her, trying to flee from him again; everything goes out of the window and he simply wraps his arms around her waist, making her turn to face him and he kisses her hard.

She feels wonderful against his lips, just like the last time and he really needed to do this.

She opens a door behind them before she pulls him inside, and there is a movement to her head that make him think that she's checking whether someone is watching them. That bothers him for a second but then she flushes her body against his, wrapping her arms around his neck and... her legs around his waist and he doesn't exactly care about the world any more.

Natasha never relents the dominance, though, keeping it a constant battle between them. Her legs are strong, threatening to tip him over and so he ends up looking for any close surface where he could drop her. A desk. Fine. He brushes all the items off the table, almost slamming her onto it, making his point by climbing to the desk too, framing her between his elbows and knees.

She smirks and his knees falter because it's the first time that she does so in over a week and he hadn't realized how much he missed her smirk. Her smile. Her presence.

She takes that second of hesitation to push him over the desk, straddling his hips and looking down at him with a gaze so full of intention.

This is almost the Natasha he knows, the Natasha who smiles because she has discovered something new that she adores, and it feels so good that he almost forgets the past week.

–

“Mistress is asleep, it would be for the best if you didn't wake her up, Mr Barnes.”

It's the first time that he comes in the middle of the night into the penthouse and Jarvis has to set up some lights to guide him through the doors, so he can tiptoe in instead of crashing against everything.

It's nice to know that Jarvis fully supports him, because he hasn't woken up Natasha and has granted him access to the penthouse, because as much as Natasha said that he had access everywhere, he is quite sure that Natasha would have been woken if anyone else – save for Bruce, probably – was trying to come to see her so late.

She looks so small in that big bed, moonlight washing over her back and making her hair shine so lightly. The highlights of her hair look grey and he can't help but think about Natasha twenty years later, with grey hair and wrinkles, and his heart melts at the thought. He would survive anything just to see that.

She is still fast asleep when he wraps his arms around her, one under her neck and the other around her torso, pressing her to his chest. She makes a small noise, just a tiny groan, but she quickly accommodates her body to his, relaxing again.

He shouldn't be enjoying this moment – she is asleep and she didn't give him any permission to cuddle, but he needs this more than he needed the sex.

He has fallen hard and... yes, she might not be a romantic but he craves for some romance. He craves to hold her, a hand over her heart, the other playing with her short hair. To kiss the top of her head, to breathe in her scent. To have her close. To never lose her.

“I love you, 'tasha,” he whispers before falling asleep.

–

Fury calls them back in the morning, so Natasha jumps out of bed before wondering what is he doing here. “Hold the call, Jay, call the others and connect him.”

Her eyebrows shot up when she sees him in bed but she simply gestures him to roll out of the bed.

“We have checked Natasha's information,” Fury barks as soon as the call gets through. “SHIELD has deemed it enough evidence to send a team over, so assemble, Avengers. Get your asses out of the city as soon as possible and bring Steve back.”

The call is over as soon as it started, and the alarm to assemble is a different thing this time.

It's the calls and hooters of Hawkeye and Sam, the quiet congratulations from Widow and the chuckle from Bruce.

Suddenly, they have hope.

–

It's kind of _disappointing_ , how easy it is to get Steve back when they are following Natasha's plans. He might have been a good tactician once, but the world has definitely changed and he clearly doesn't know what the villains are doing or thinking nowadays.

It's like she knew everything and it's then when he notices that Jarvis is just something that Natasha has coded, that her own intelligence is bigger and brighter than that. She uses Jarvis as a quick way to do and double check stuff, but she can do everything on her own.

She built the first Iron Man suit in a cave, with nothing but scrap.

She should be praised as a goddess, indeed, and despite of how good she is at it, it's not sex what makes her special.

It's not the first time that he thinks about it, but he's still surprised at how much he loves her, even if sometimes the feeling is blinded by something else.

Nothing in Natasha has only one facet. Not even her plans.

Iron Man, Hulk, Widow, and Hawkeye will take the front of the fortress, while Sam will take the back with him. Jarvis has provided him with a lot of maps of similar places and Natasha has given him a device that will create a distraction big enough to allow him to escape if something goes wrong.

The building feels familiar as soon as he sets his feet inside, like he had been here or somewhere similiar in the past. Still, he doesn't walk away from the path that Natasha traced for him, moving in complete silence, like a shadow.

He hasn't been detected yet.

He can hear the noise from the other side of the building through the comms. They aren't talking to him, they don't want to make anyone aware that they are missing one Avenger. Sam has arrived to cover his own spot as sniper, even if he isn't a professional.

The success of their plan depends on none noticing that he is inside, not until it's too late.

He goes downstairs, hiding, walking step by step, silent as a predator until he storms into the laboratory, killing all the guards before they have time to rise the alarm.

Steve is there, hooked to an IV and looking as pale as death. He's not dead, though. ' _Take him off of the poison as soon as you reach him. There's no antidote for any of the stuff she uses, but let's hope that the serum will take care of it as soon as it stops pouring into his body. Don't think that he'll wake up and help you, so make sure you clear the path when you are going in,_ ' Natasha had instructed him via Jarvis, as soon as he received the maps.

He quickly disconnects Steve from all the machines there, taking him over his shoulder, fireman style and he runs out of the room, going upstairs in exactly the same path that he used to go down. Steve is moving slightly over his shoulder, like he was going to wake up in a moment.

So he just grabs Steve tighter and runs to the window, trying to be as silent as before even if he's carrying the heaviest person he ever knew.

“I've got Steve, heading back to the window, Falcon, Iron Man, I need you!” he says, at last.

Thirty seconds later, they are at the window and Sam quickly grabs Steve, even if the logical thing would be for Iron Man to carry him... but there's no time to discuss it and Natasha has grabbed him a second later.

It's over. All is over, at last.

He could cry.

Actually, scratch the could, because he is crying. He feels Natasha soothing him, patting his back as they fly back to the plane.

–

Steve wakes up while they head back to SHIELD.

He has never been happier than when Steve looks at them and smiles brightly.

Right after that, Steve starts coughing, but Bruce is checking on him and everything seems to be fine.

–

They land on the Helicarrier and Steve is taken away for another medical check (this time a professional one).

He is waiting at the door but, somehow, Fury takes Steve directly to a debriefing session before they can tell him anything about what happened.

Great. Just logical. Just as it should be done.

Because getting debriefed after being kidnapped for ten days on end is the perfect thing to do.

He's angry at everyone for allowing that to happen. He just wants to punch some holes into the Quinjet, even if they make the plane unflyable.

He slams his metallic fist into the wall a first time just as the door opens. He turns his head to find Natasha entering the room and crossing it towards him with a quick gait.

“Nata...” he says, his fist still stuck in the wall. She pulls his fist back and turns him to face her.

“Shut up. Don't wanna listen,” she kisses him roughly, pulling the collar of his suit down with one hand and dragging her nails down the nape of his neck with the other, until he is begging for air. “Just want this for a last time.”

“Wait. You need to listen,” he pulls back from her kiss, both his hands cupping her face. “I don't want this to be the last time.”

She looks confused, hurt and... _hopeful_? She has always found ways to make everything work, why must she question that ability now? Because all he needs, right now, is to have her by his side.

“Natasha... reconsider it, please.”

“But why would you want it? Steve is back already, you don't need to relieve stress any more. You don't need me,” she says, her nails still digging into the back of his neck.

“Not true. Natasha,” he wraps his arms around her waist, not wanting to give her any chance to leave him again, just wanting to keep her close to him forever. “I need you, never doubt that.”

“Don't be stupid, Buck,” she whispers, closing her eyes and letting her hands slip away from his neck. She rests her forehead against his shoulder, apparently defeated.

“Yes. I'm stupid, can't avoid it.” He smiles so slightly, wanting to rub his face over her skin, wanting to enjoy everything if she is serious and this is the last time. He would never regret finding Steve, but a part of himself is weeping because now Natasha will abandon him.

He kisses the tip of her nose, tenderly, trying to interpret what is going on in Natasha's mind and trying to soothe whatever makes her want to break it off. “I guess this is a weird moment to say it, Natasha, but I wouldn't have gotten involved with you without feeling something for you. I don't know what you think was happening, but it's not. I'm not running away from this, from us, unless you want me to.”

“Liar.” She tilts her head to accept the kisses, but she keeps her eyes firmly closed.

“I swore to you I'd never lie.” He kisses her eyelids, slowly and tenderly, his flesh hand cupping her face.

“Everyone leaves me. You'd be no different. You want to promise this now, but you won't want to keep it in the long run.”

“Natasha Stark, listen to me for a moment, I am trying to say something important.” He opens his mouth to speak but she interrupts him again.

“Go ahead.”

He kisses her hard. “Shut up and listen, Natasha,” He pauses for a second, just to see if she will be quiet for once. “I love you.”

“You...” she pauses, opening her eyes, “… what?”

“I love you, Natasha.”

She is silent, blinking. It's the first time that he has seen that expression on her outside of the workshop, when she's thinking deeply about scientific stuff.

He nods, wrapping his arms around her again, a bit tighter, trying to pull her out of it. “So I'm not leaving, unless you ask me to go.”

“Don't. Please.” She leans her head on his shoulder, finally resting her whole body against his.

There's something so comforting in holding her weight. He keeps kissing her, whispering sweet nothings and confessing all those times when he has noticed that he loved her because she has to understand how important she is to him.

By the time they reach his floor, Natasha is smiling at him, meeting his kisses halfway and silencing his confessions with more kisses.

And for the first time since he woke up in the new world, he feels complete.

–

A hand on his shoulder wakes him up hours later and he almost jumps in the bed, because he had forgotten about everything else. Steve is smiling at him, even if it becomes an amused smirk when he notices that there's someone else in his bed.

So the only thing that Bucky can do is to nod and stand up, following Steve to the living room.

“How are you?” he asks, before Steve can say anything.

“Fine. I'm weak but it will pass soon. The doctors said that most of the damage was taken care of as soon as I stopped receiving the poison.”

“I'm glad you are back home, Steve. I missed you,” he says, smiling shyly because he knows that Steve should start teasing him soon.

Steve smiles back, though, looking completely happy. “Me too, Buck.”

“It consumed me, being here and knowing that you were trapped somewhere else. I don't know how you could do it during the war.”

“I know how much you did to find me. We are both here, we're fine.” Steve hugs him and only then he notices how much he missed it.

“Till the end of line,” he whispers, hugging Steve tighter.

“Till the end of line,” Steve echoes, pulling back and placing a hand on his shoulder before the teasing smirk comes back “...was that Stark in your bed?”

“Yeah,” he answers, without a hint of embarrassment. “She was the only thing keeping me sane while you were gone, Steve. Making me more insane, at times, but... you know how she is. I don't think any of us have this feelings thing under control.”

“Are you serious about her?”

“Hell, yes. We will see how it turns out but I think we both are serious. I've never been more serious about anything.”

Steve pauses for a second, shaking his head before adding, “...Treat her well, she deserves something good in her life, for once.”

“I will, Stevie. Thank you.”

–

The next time he sees Sam, the words blurt out of his mouth before he can think about it. “You don't know Natasha, but it was just because you hadn't given her a chance to not to be Stark. I did.”

Sam looks at him like he just grew another head. It doesn't matter.

Probably he doesn't even remember what he is talking about, the conversation at the coffee shop when he was so devastated. It took him a month; a month of waking up cuddled to her, a month of seeing her face the first thing in the morning and feel so happy that he thought his heart would burst; to know the answer but he does know.

He has Natasha and everything will be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... the end.
> 
> I might post some other things from this universe, because Natasha Stark is love.
> 
> Hope you liked it.
> 
> And a huge thank you again to silver_drip. (Everyone should go and read her works because she is a wonderful author <3)


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